Habits: What They Are, Why They're So Hard To Implement And How To Get Rid Of The Bad Ones
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. – Will Durant
Do you need help forming rock-solid habits that will support you for the rest of your life? Are you the kind of person that sets New Year’s Resolutions but continually fails to stick to them? Have you lost confidence in your ability to get rid of the bad habits that are preventing you from living the life you want? This article is for you if you are in the following situation:
- You want to get rid of bad habits but have failed many times before.
- You are struggling with procrastination and/or you lack self-discipline.
- You want your habits to stick once and for all.
- You want to implement powerful habits that will serve you for the rest of your life and bring you great results.
What If You Could Predict Success?
Do you think you can tell whether someone is going to be successful 5 or 10 years from now? You can, believe it or not, and figuring it out is actually very simple. All you have to do is take a look at their typical day. Extraordinary people have extraordinary habits, while average people have average habits. There are very few exceptions to that rule, and it applies to you. So if you want to know where you’re going to be in 10 or 20 years from now, look at what you did today or yesterday. Ask yourself the following question: If I keep doing what I’m doing today, will I be
where I want to be in 10 or 20 years from now? Be brutally honest with yourself.
I encourage you to dig deeper by asking this question for each specific goal you have. Look at your goals and ask yourself, “Will I achieve these goals if I keep on doing what I’m doing today?” You’ll know the answer if you’re honest enough with yourself. How confident are you about your ability to achieve your goals based on what you’re currently doing? On a scale of 1 to 10, is your confidence 8 out of 10, 6 out of 10, or even 3 out of 10? If it’s less than 8 out of 10, you probably don’t have the daily habits that will allow you to successfully achieve your goals. Daily habits aren’t necessarily hard to do, but it’s VERY easy not to do them at all.
When asked what keeps you from committing to new habits, you might argue that you were busy today and couldn’t do X, Y or Z for whatever reason. You might say that you’ll find the time later. The truth is, you can always come up with excuses. But if what you’re doing today isn’t going to
lead you towards a future of fulfillment, happiness and health, there’s little reason to believe things will magically change later on.
How often have you heard people say, “I’ll start tomorrow”? Whether they’re talking about dieting, exercise, or learning a new skill, the result is usually the same. Tomorrow comes and goes but thediet, workout, or activity never starts. And the worst part is, we knew it wasn’t going to happen the minute they said “I’ll start tomorrow.”
Never Trust Your Future Self
If you want achieve your goals, stick to the following rule: Always assume that what you’re doing today is what you’ll do tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and so on and so forth. Doing this focuses your awareness on what you’re doing NOW, not what you may (and most likely won’t) do in the future. By living as if what you do today will determine your future (it will), you’ll be motivated to take action in the present instead of relying on your future self to do something later.
Believing that your future self will somehow be more disciplined than your current self is a major trap. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work that way. The fact remains, however, that what your current self does today determines what your future self will do tomorrow!
If what you’re doing today isn’t going to lead to the future you envision for yourself, it’s probably time for you to make some changes in your life. Now, let’s take a deeper look at what habits are.
Habits: What They are and Why They’re So Hard to Implement
Our lives are largely controlled by our subconscious minds, which are in charge of running the habits we’ve adopted consciously or, in most cases, unconsciously over the years.
Our brains are very efficient machines that hate wasting energy. Once the brain has been conditioned to perform a certain task repeatedly, it runs primarily on auto-pilot. This is great when you learn to drive or tie your shoes, but it’s not so great when you want to break a habit. It takes
significant effort to change your brain’s pre-existent programming, and it’s an uphill battle until your subconscious mind finally accepts the change. That’s why it’s so hard to form new habits or get rid of old ones. Your brain isn’t wired for change. It likes things just the way they are.
Why Habits are Mind-Bogglingly Important
The quality of your habits will determine the quality of our life. It’s what you do on a daily basis that truly matters, not what you do from time to time or when you have a sudden burst of motivation. Take a few minutes to look at your current habits. How would you describe them? Are they the habits of a successful, happy person? Or are they the habits of someone stuck in a rut?
What a Few Simple Habits Can Do For You
When it comes to habits, it’s crucial to realize that even a small daily habit can have a major impact on your life if you stick with them long enough. That’s why making habits is powerful yet easy to neglect. It’s no exaggeration to say that you’re just a few habits away from success and
happiness! A few good habits can go a long way. On the other hand, a few bad habits like smoking, drinking, or eating unhealthy food can take a major (and even lethal) toll after a while.
Why Your Success Depends On Your Daily Habits
Your daily habits determine how much you accomplish and are very closely related to your goals. Having consistent daily habits guarantees that you’ll be significantly more productive and achieve more in life. Solid daily habits will make it easier to achieve long-term goals. Let’s look at some
good examples of how daily habits can make a huge difference in the long run:
- Writing 500 words every day will allow you to write a book every 6 months.
- Reading for 30 minutes a day will allow you to finish 200 to 300 books over a 5-year period.
- Meditating for 15 minutes every day will enhance your long-term happiness.
- Spending 5 minutes a day on gratitude exercises will also increase your overall happiness.
Why You Are Wasting Your Willpower Without Knowing It!
Unfortunately willpower is a limited resource. You can either use all of your willpower and brute force your way into getting your tasks done each day, or you can invest it strategically to create new, powerful habits that will serve you for years to come. Think of habits as a return on the investment of your willpower. More specifically, habits are returns on the investment of willpower that has been strategically directed towards their formation. Some use their precious willpower wisely and put it towards creating one or two positive new habits, while others
waste it in an attempt to create too many habits at once. Still others do absolutely nothing with their willpower, which wastes tremendous opportunities for growth. It’s all up to you, but I strongly recommend the first option!
The Incredible Power of Focused Willpower
Putting your willpower towards the creation of habits will enable you to automatize many of your tasks and turn you into a well-oiled machine. Once a habit is accepted by your subconscious mind, you will need little to no willpower to maintain it every day. Think about when you first learned
to drive a car, for example. Do you remember how overwhelming it was? There were so many things going on at once, all of which required your full attention. Now, however, it’s become automatic, and the entire process is taken care of by your subconscious mind. In fact, there may
be times when you barely remember driving to and from home, work, and other familiar places.
That’s the power of the subconscious mind, and this process holds true for habits. If you apply focused willpower to a specific task every day, it’s only a matter of time before it becomes automatic.
Do you think highly successful people are virtuosos or geniuses? While this is occasionally true, most people are successful simply because they developed powerful daily habits that allowed them to become extremely efficient. The good news is that you, too, can develop these habits.
If you can learn to use your willpower to form new, powerful, daily habits that will stay with you long-term, you’re in for a treat. You’ll experience heightened efficiency and effectiveness, in addition to significantly increasing your levels of happiness and fulfillment.
There’s a lot at stake, so make sure you invest your willpower wisely each and every day.
What a Truly Outstanding Habit Really Looks Like
When you implement new habits, you want to make sure they’ll have a legitimate impact on your life in the long run. Otherwise, why bother? It may be hard to figure out how much of an impact certain habits will have on your life, but it’s much easier when you know what a good habit looks
like. Good habits should:
- Be something you want to maintain for the rest of your life.
- Significantly impact your productivity, happiness, fulfillment, or anything else that you genuinely value.
- Support you in achieving your long-term goals.
- Be within your sweet spot. You should feel confident that you can stick to them in the long run, even when the going gets rough.
- Have a strong “why” behind them (i.e. there should be a compelling reason as to why are they’re so important to you).
- Be performed at a specific time during the day or have a clear trigger.
Bad Habits: What They Are and How to Get Rid of Them
The habits that have the most impact on your life are often a reflection of who you think you are. If you do something for long enough, it becomes closely related to your identity.
For instance, many people who smoke cigarettes associate this habit with who they are as a person. They don’t see themselves a person who happens to have one (or many) cigarettes each day. Rather, they see themselves as a label, and refer to themselves as a smoker. Many people who struggle with their weight fail to see themselves as a person who is carrying extra weight. They simply think of themselves as overweight. People often think of themselves as the adjectives that describe the side effects of their habits or the habit itself (think labels like ‘smoker’ or ‘overeater’).
You may be wondering how much this matters. It actually matters a lot, because it’s hard to change something that is part of the way you define yourself. So, what do you do if you realize you’ve been defining yourself by your habits, or the results of your habits?
The first step, as silly as it may sound, is to start questioning your identity very seriously. After all, there was a time in your life when you didn’t identify with these things at all, right? There was a time when you didn’t even know what a cigarette tasted like, and there was probably a time in your life, however early, where you were at a weight that was healthy for you. You are not asmoker. You are simply someone who smokes. You are not fat. You are simply someone whose habits have resulted in some extra weight.
It all comes down to habits, and just as your habits caused you to smoke or gain weight, habits can cause you to stop smoking and achieve the weight that is healthiest for your body. The real you can’t be changed that easily.
In a way, these identities are just ideas in your mind. Repetition brought them into your reality and eventually made them part (or even all) of your identity. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to stay that way.
If you want to change habits that have become part of your identity, you need to figure out who you are and who you want to be. Are you the type of person who walks every day and takes the stairs instead of the escalator? Are you the type of person who doesn’t smoke in the morning? Are you someone who eats sweets in moderation?
So start questioning your identity every day. Are you really the label that you’ve placed on yourself? What does it really mean?
What Your Bad Habits Say About You
We all have bad habits that we’re trying to get rid of. Nobody is perfect and the point is not to get rid of all your bad habits. That’s a sure way to set yourself up for failure and crush your self-esteem. When certain habits prevent you from being happy and healthy, however, it’s time to
change them.
The Emotions Behind Your Bad Habits
Believe it or not, all habits serve some kind of purpose. Even your worst habits provide you with some kind of emotional benefit. If they didn’t you wouldn’t have them, or you could drop them with ease. It’s very difficult to get rid of bad habits if you don’t know why you have them in the
first place. There may be a habit that helps you procrastinate and avoid things that you’re afraid of, for instance, or one that helps you cope with stress. Most, if not all, of your bad habits are disguised attempts to escape from something in your life.
How to Get Rid of Bad Habits
Keep in mind that certain types of habits, such as those that have turned into physical addictions like alcoholism, are beyond the scope of this article. Addictions are another matter entirely. That said, I’d like to touch upon the subject of breaking habits and explain what you can do to get rid of most of your bad habits.
You must start by becoming more aware of the reasons behind your habits. You need to clearly identify what emotional needs they’re meeting in your life.
1. Be Mindful of Your Habits – The Power of Awareness
I believe self-awareness is one of the most powerful ways to get rid of bad habits forever and implement new, positive ones. The fact that you are reading this article proves that, to a certain extent, you’re already aware of some of your habits and how they might be dragging you down.
Take some time to look at the bad habits you’d like to change. Select just one for now. Are you aware of the emotions associated with that habit? Do you see why you have this habit and why it’s so hard to get rid of? Does this habit help you cope with your fears? Is it a means of escaping from something? If so, from what?
2. Believe That You Can
It may sound like common sense, but you have to believe that you can actually get rid of this habit. So let me ask you: do you believe you can do it? Can you honestly answer yes to that question?
Most of what happens to us in life is the result of our beliefs. Beliefs are incredible, they can be your best friend or your worst enemy. The answer to the previous question is: Yes. Yes, you can! You are more than capable of eliminating your bad habit. However bad your habit may be, there
are people out there just like you who’ve gotten rid of the same habit. Their ability to do this was rooted in two things: believing that they could get rid of their unwanted habit, and fully committing to doing so.
3. 100% Commitment
Are you COMPLETELY committed to changing your habit? Really? When it comes to changing a bad habit, you have to commit to it with every fibre of your being. Does this sound obvious, too? Getting rid of a bad habit is far from easy. Chances are, you’ve tried unsuccessfully in the past,
and you may fail again in the future. The question is: can you commit to getting rid of that bad habit despite the obstacles you may face? Can you stick to it no matter how long it takes? Can you get back up when you fail? When the going gets tough, will you stay committed to eliminating the pesky habit that’s preventing you from being the person you want to be?
Can you honestly say that you’ll get rid of your habit no matter what?
4. Take Full Responsibility
You can’t be fully committed to getting rid of your bad habit unless you take responsibility for the situation you’re in now. When you don’t take complete responsibility for your life, you give your power away to circumstances, situations, and people. By refusing to acknowledge that you have the power to change your current situation, you give up all hope of eliminating your bad habit.
You may be drinking because you have a problem at home or at work. You may gamble excessively or play video games all day because you want to escape your day-to-day reality. Regardless of the pressures fuelling these bad habits, they still come from choices you have made. As such, the commitment and decision to stop must also to come from you.
Are you currently taking responsibility for your bad habit, or are you blaming other people and things for it? If you think you’re drinking because your job is stressful or things aren’t going well in your relationship, you are wrong. You are the one who chooses to use alcohol to escape. It all comes down to how YOU choose to deal with the situation. Nobody is forcing you to do anything. It may be a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s the truth. If you play the victim, you’ll be stuck forever.
Take responsibility for your life because, situations, circumstances, and people rarely change. If you want change, it has to come from within.
How to Get Rid of Most Bad Habits
Let’s look at some examples of what I call “mild addictions”.
Let’s say you’re spending 3 hours a day playing videos games and you’d like to get rid of that habit. Figure out what emotional needs the games are filling? Are you using them as a way to escape your responsibilities? Do they help you deal with stress at work or in your personal life?
You could be using your bad habit as a way to procrastinate, or it could be a mild addiction related to the instant gratification that you receive from it. Television, social media, video games, and food are prime examples of these types of habits. In fact, they are largely designed to hook you in by exploiting a “biological loophole” that advertising takes full advantage of. You’ve probably noticed how each episode of your favourite shows end in a way that makes you obsessed with seeing the next one. And if you’re like most people, you’ve probably found yourself binging
on television shows.
When you step back and look at the big picture, however, you’ll see that video games, television shows, and social media platforms that look so appealing on first glance don’t really contribute to your happiness and well-being.
We’re wired to respond to instant gratification in whatever form it comes. Even so, with enough commitment, awareness, and preparation, we can eradicate our bad habits.
1. Observe Your Emotions Without Being Judgmental
What emotions do you feel before, during, and after you engage in your bad habit? Do you feel excitement right before it starts? What about during it? Is the excitement still there after it’s over, or do you experience feelings of guilt or dissatisfaction? It’s important that you take the time toobserve your emotions during each phase without judging them. Now, let’s take an in-depth, step-by-step look at these 3 phases. For simplicity’s sake, let’s use video games as our example.
- Before
How do you feel when you get the urge to play video games? Stay with that feeling, observe it with the kind of curiosity and objectivity you would expect from a scientist. Stop yourself from acting on it just for a while. Don’t try to ignore it or turn it down. Then, try to recall how you felt the last time you finished playing video games (see “After” section below). Did you feel happier, more fulfilled, or more confident?
At this point, you should tell yourself that you’ll play video games in 5 minutes, but just want to do something else that you enjoy first. This could be reading a book, listening to your favourite song, or playing an instrument. It really doesn’t matter what it is as long as you like the activity. The higher your chances of becoming absorbed in it, the better.
How This Helps:
- Becoming more conscious of the feelings you have when you’re about to dive into your bad habit allows you to start gaining control over the situation.
- Delaying the moment you’ll start engaging in your habits helps you condition to stop acting on impulse.
- Starting a different activity for a few minutes shifts your focus away from your habit, especially if the other activity is something you particularly enjoy. You can then delay the moment you start your bad habit even further whenever possible. You may even skip it altogether sometimes! As you repeat this process, you’ll become better and better at resisting the urge to act on your emotions.
- During
Observe the emotions you feel while playing video games with the same curiosity and objectivity that we discussed above. How do you feel? Are you really enjoying the process? Or is it less pleasurable than you thought it would be?
Create multiple interruptions as you’re playing by taking breaks or doing something else for just a few moments. Stop to get a drink, go to the bathroom, or tidy up your area. These interruptions can come at intervals of your choosing. You could set a timer to stop playing once every twenty
minutes, or you might decide to take a break whenever your feelings about playing fluctuate. Make sure these interruptions are given a genuine effort, though. Pause the game, turn off the television, or whatever action applies, take a moment to become conscious of how you feel, then start your other activity. Try sitting or standing somewhere else, or go to another room if possible.
During this process, it’s important to give yourself total permission to go back playing video games at any time. Don’t blame yourself, don’t try to force yourself to resist the urge to return to them. Go back to playing video games if you feel like it, or keep on with your other activity. Either one is fine.
Why it Works:
- Staying in touch with your emotions heightens your self-awareness, which leaves room for alternatives to your habit, such as taking a break or doing something else. This will make it much easier to cut back on or totally eliminate your habit, depending on which option is healthiest (remember, some things are fine in moderation).
- By turning off the TV, pausing the game, or taking a break, you interrupt the “trance”, at which point you may realize that playing video games wasn’t as fulfilling as you expected. As you start other activities, you may become so absorbed with them that you forget the urge to engage in your bad habit.
- Have you ever forgotten to do something you really wanted to do because you were interrupted or started doing something else? I’ve done this on a number of occasions, and that’s exactly what we’re recreating here. When you’re caught up in a certain activity, it often seems as if you just can’t stop. As soon as you get distracted and start doing something else, however, you break the spell and often wonder why you were so absorbed in the previous activity.
- After
Pay close attention to how you feel after you’re done playing video games. Are you satisfied and happy? Or does it feel as if you wasted your time again just like yesterday and the day before it? Do you experience guilt? Stay with your feelings, whatever they may be. Then, imagine what else you could have done instead of playing video games?
Keep a time log where you write exactly how much time you engage in your bad habit. Do this for at a week, then multiply the results by 52 to figure out how much time it takes out of your year. How many hours do you spend playing video games, watching TV, gambling, etc. What else could
you have done with all that time?
If your habit is something you do multiple times a day, like checking WhatsApp posts or going on Facebook and Instagram, use an app that will record how much time you spend doing that. You can also keep a piece of paper by your computer and use it to record every time you check social media or emails. These tactics might sound simple, but they’ll force you to become more conscious of your actions and take note of what you’re actually doing. You might be shocked by how many times you check your emails or social media accounts each day!
Why it Works:
- By getting in touch with the shame, guilt, frustration, and negative feelings that come after you’ve engaged in your habit, you’ll begin to associate the activity with pain. You’ll realize that, in retrospect, it never feels as good as you think it will. Remember those painful emotions each time you’re tempted. Are you sure you want to feel that again?
- Keeping a time log forces you to become more conscious of your activities and sheds light on how much time you’re really spending on that not-so-fulfilling habit. It compels you to face a harsh but necessary reality.
2. Replace Bad Habits With Better Ones
Eliminating unsavoury habits is only part of the process. It’s important to understand that replacing negative habits with better and more positive ones is much more effective than simply trying to get rid of bad habits.
If you decide to stop playing video games three hours every day, what are you going to do instead? If you have no clear plan on how to use that time, you’ll very likely go back to your old habits. Your brain likes the status quo, so, if you don’t give it anything else to focus on, it will guide you back to playing video games.
Earlier, I mentioned interrupting your activity to do something else you enjoy. So what was this other activity that you enjoy? Surely there’s more than one. What kind of things could you do that can get wrapped up in pretty quickly? Maybe it’s reading and writing? Or perhaps it’s cooking?
What about exercising? Chances are, you have plenty of options. Just ask yourself the following question: What activity could satisfy the emotional needs that I’ve been using my bad habit to cope with?
Additional Tip: Consider recording your emotions before, during, and after your bad habit for 7 days straight. This will ensure that you’re doubly aware of your emotions and will increase your mindfulness.
3. Visualize the Future Cost of Today’s Bad Habits
Can you imagine what your life will be like 20 years from now if you fail to eliminate that bad habit? When it comes to improving our lives, imagination is one of the most powerful tools we have. Our imaginations allow us to use our minds to create whatever experiences we want at any given time. You can enjoy various scenarios and situations in your mind as often as you like without spending a dime. This is why professional athletes, chess players, army generals, CEOs, and other successful people use visualization on a daily basis.
We all use visualization, even if it’s on a subconscious level. The problem is that, if you’re like most people, you’re probably visualizing negative things. You might be worrying about the future and visualize yourself losing your job or failing an exam. You might also be dwelling on and
visualizing the past.
In the exercise below, we’re going to use both positive and negative visualization to help you get rid of your bad habits.
Visualize Your Negative Habit
- Visualize yourself engaging in your bad habit throughout the day. How does it make you feel?
- Now visualize yourself doing it for the next 30 days.
- Next, imagine yourself doing it for a whole year. Imagine the disappointment of the people around you, and think of how it will negatively impact your life.
- Finally, imagine yourself 10 years from now. Visualize the habit getting stronger, as habits almost always grow stronger with time. How do you feel? Focus on the pain associated with having had this destructive habit in your life for a decade. How has it impacted your life? How would that prevent you from reaching your potential and living a truly fulfilling life?
Visualize Your Positive Habit
- Visualize your new positive habit, and imagine yourself doing it today. What feelings does this bring up?
- Now, visualize yourself sticking to this new habit for the next 30 days.
- Next, imagine engaging in this habit for an entire year. How does it affect your life? How much difference does it make? Imagine its benefits, and what it has allowed you to accomplish.
- Finally, imagine yourself 10 years down the line with the new habit still in place. How has this new habit transformed your life? What impact has it had on those around you? How much happiness and fulfillment has it brought you?
Visualization is a very powerful tool, but it becomes increasingly effective when it’s done repeatedly over long periods of time. You should try to use visualization as often as possible. If visualization is something that resonates with you, I encourage you to take a few minutes every day to go through this exercise.
4. From Procrastination to Action
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday. – Napoleon Hill
The urge to procrastinate is often strongest just as we begin to work on our most important tasks. Procrastination is a huge obstacle that can seriously limit your productivity. On one hand, you’redriven by fear and a powerful urge to escape. On the other, you’re really passionate about what you’re trying to do and want to start working on it already.
The question is: how do you replace the paralysis of procrastination with action?
It’s not going to be easy, but the following three-step formula will help tremendously:
Eliminate Distractions
The first order of business is to leave as little room for distractions as possible. When you feel the urge to procrastinate, you’ll find yourself interested in anything but your task. Stay one step ahead of distractions by identifying potential procrastination patterns. When are you wasting time and why? Is it procrastination or inefficient prioritizing that’s draining your time?
Use the results of your time log investigation to create a Not-To-Do List based on the results you get from the time log and put the list on your desk. My list looks something like this:
- Don’t check emails.
- Don’t check WhatsApp, Facebook or other social media.
- Don’t go on YouTube or Google.
- Don’t go for a walk.
- Don’t check my phone.
- Don’t eat.
- Don’t go to the supermarket to buy a drink.
The next line of defence is removing all distractions from your desk. You should also plan your tasks in advance, prepare your environment, and give yourself a way to jot down intrusive thoughts. Keep phones, books, food, and other such items far away. The day before you start working on your task, spend some time visualizing yourself doing it. This will help you condition your mind and decrease the risk of distractions.
You can prepare your environment by readying the tools you’ll need for your task ahead of time. Make sure everything is easily accessible. Do any and everything you can to make things as effortless as possible.
Last but not least, keep a piece of paper on hand in case something pops into your mind as you’re working. Use it to write down any ideas or lightbulb moments that come to you. Otherwise, you’ll remember something you forgot to do and decide to work on it… only to end up spending an hour on Facebook.
Become Aware of Your Fears and Emotions
- Get in touch with the feelings that come up as you gear up to work on your task.
- Be aware of your feelings when you start working on an important task.
- Use a time log to bring awareness on the way you’re using your time.
Reduce the Friction Associated with Starting the Task
It’s essential to reduce the discomfort involved in beginning your task. You can accomplish this through visualization. Consider your current feelings and imagine how you’ll feel once your task is completed. If that doesn’t work, just start and see what happens. Tell yourself you’ll only work for a few minutes. You can handle almost anything for five minutes, right?
If fear is still getting the best of you, accept the possibility that you may not do as good of a job as you’d like. Make it okay to do poorly. The reality is that you probably won’t do badly unless you’re extremely tired. And if you really think you’ll do a subpar job, what makes you think you’ll do any better tomorrow or next week? After all, your plan was to work on it today.
In this article we’ve covered bad habits, in our next article we’ll look on: How to implement new, positive habits that will bring great results and more fulfillment in life.
Are you ready?