Moving To The Next Level In Your Personal Growth
MOVING TO THE NEXT LEVEL IN YOUR PERSONAL GROWTH For everything you gain, you must give up something. What is the key to going to the next level in your personal growth? Put another way, what is the greatest obstacle you will face once you have begun achieving your goals and tasting success? I believe it is the ability to let go of what you have so that you can reach for something new. The greatest obstacle leaders face can be their own achievement. In other words, the greatest detriment to tomorrow’s success is today’s success. WHAT IS THE NEXT LEVEL WORTH? That’s a question that every person must ask him or herself more than once in a successful career. In Leading Without Power, Max DePree wrote, “By avoiding risk, we really risk what is most important in life—reaching toward growth, our potential and a true contribution to a common goal.” Over the years I have learnt that I should do the difficult things first, and then enjoy myself. We all pay in life. Anything we get will exact a price from us. The question is, when will we pay? The longer we wait to pay, the greater the price. It is like interest that compounds. A successful life is a series of trade-offs. In my career, over and over I have traded security for opportunity. I’ve given up what many would consider an ideal position so that I could grow as a leader or make a bigger impact. I’ve found that the higher we go, the harder it is to make trade-offs. Why? We have so much more that we risk giving up. People often talk about the sacrifices they had to make in the beginning of their careers. But in truth, most people have very little to give up in the beginning. The only thing of value that they have is time. But as we climb higher, we have more, and we find it more difficult to let go of what we’ve worked for. That’s why many climb partway up the mountain of their potential and then stop. They come to a place where they are unwilling to give up something in order to get the next thing. As a result, they stall—some forever. Something in human nature tempts us to stay where we’re comfortable. We try to find a plateau, a resting place, where we have comfortable stress and adequate finances. Where we have comfortable associations with people, without the intimidation of meeting new people and entering strange situations. Of course, all of us need to plateau for a time. We climb and then plateau for assimilation. But once we’ve assimilated what we’ve learned, we climb again. It’s unfortunate when we’ve done our last climb. When we have made our last climb, we are old, whether forty or eighty. – Fred Smith WHAT WILL YOU TRADE? Trade Affirmation For Accomplishment When I began my career I was a people pleaser. I wanted approval from my followers, admiration from my peers, and awards from my superiors. I was an affirmation junkie. But accolades are like smoke that quickly fades away. Awards turn to rust. And financial rewards are quickly spent. Now I prefer to get something done than to just make myself look good. That decision has paved the way for most of the other trades I have made in life. Trade Security For Significance Success does not mean simply being busy. What you give your life to matters. The great leaders in history were great not because of what they owned or earned but because of what they gave their lives to accomplish. They made a difference! I chose a career in which I expected to make a difference. But that did not exempt me from having to take risks to do things of greater significance. The same will be true for you, no matter what profession you have chosen. Trade Financial Gain For Future Potential One of life’s ironies for me is that I have never been motivated by money, yet I am doing well financially. Why? Because I’m always willing to put future potential ahead of financial gain. The temptation is almost always to go for the cash. But this goes back to the idea of pay now, play later. If you are willing to sacrifice financially on the front end for the possibility of greater potential, you are almost always given greater chances for higher rewards—including financially. Trade Immediate Pleasure For Personal Growth If ever there was something our culture has a difficult time with, it is delayed gratification. If you look at the statistics on how much people are in debt and how little they put into savings, you can see that people are always seeking immediate pleasure. Many times I have put off or sacrificed pleasures, conveniences, or luxuries in order to pursue personal growth opportunities. I’ve never regretted it. Trade Exploration For Focus Some people like to dabble. The problem with dabbling is that you never really become great at anything. True, when you are young, you should try out new things—see where your strengths and interests lie. But the older you are, the more focused you should be. You can only go far if you specialize in something. If you study the lives of great men and women, you will find that they were very single-minded. Once you have found what you were created to do, stick with it. Trade Quantity Of Life For Quality Of Life I have to confess that I have a “more” mentality. If one is good, four is better. If somebody says he can hit a goal of twenty, I encourage him to reach for twenty-five. When I write an article to post on my blog I want to include so much content in it so that the people who read it will get as much as they can out of it. Because of this natural inclination to do more, I’ve often had very
The Role Of Experience In Your Growth Journey
THE ROLE OF EXPERIENCE IN YOUR GROWTH JOURNEY Experience plus honest self-examination leads to wisdom. One of the most frustrating things for young leaders is having to wait to get their chance to shine. Leaders are naturally impatient, and I was no different. During the first ten years of my leadership, I heard a lot about the importance of experience. In my first position, people did not trust my judgment. They said I was too young and inexperienced. I was frustrated, but at the same time I understood their scepticism. I was young and new into the job. After I led for a couple of years, people began to take notice of me. They saw that I had some ability. Time after time, my youth and inexperience were pointed out to me. And I was willing to pay my dues, learn my lessons, and wait my turn. As these more experienced people passed me, I would observe their lives to try to learn from them. I looked to see what kind of foundation they had built their lives on, which influential people they knew, how they conducted themselves. Sometimes I learned much by watching them. But many times I was disappointed. There were many people with years of experience under their belts but not much wisdom or skill to show for it. That got me to wondering: Why had experience helped some leaders and not others? Slowly my confusion began to clear. What I had been taught all my life was not true: experience is not the best teacher! Some people learn and grow as a result of their experience; some people don’t. Everybody has some kind of experience. It’s what you do with that experience that matters. HOW WILL EXPERIENCE MARK YOU? We all begin our lives as empty notebooks. Every day we have an opportunity to record new experiences on our pages. With the turning of each page, we gain more knowledge and understanding. Ideally, as we progress our notebooks become filled with notations and observations. The problem is that not all people make the best use of their notebooks. Some people seem to leave the notebook closed most of their lives. They rarely jot down anything at all. Others fill their pages, but they never take the time to reflect on them and gain greater wisdom and understanding. But a few not only make a record of what they experience; they linger over it and ponder its meaning. They reread what is written and reflect on it. Reflection turns experience into insight, so they not only live the experience but learn from it. They understand that time is on their side if they use their notebook as a learning tool, not just as a calendar. They have come to understand a secret. Experience teaches nothing, but evaluated experience teaches everything. GAINING FROM EXPERIENCE Do you know people who have lots of knowledge but little understanding? They may have means, but don’t know the meaning of anything important? Even if they have a lot of know-how, they seem to possess little know-why? What is the problem with these individuals? Their life experience is void of reflection and evaluation. When twenty-five years go by, they don’t gain twenty-five years of experience. They gain one year of experience twenty-five times! If you want to gain from your experience—to become a wiser and more effective leader—there are some things about experience you need to know: We All Experience More Than We Understand Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. Let’s face it: we’re going to make mistakes. Too much happens to us in life for us to be able to understand all of it. Our experiences overwhelm our understanding. And no matter how smart we are, our understanding will never catch up with our experience. So what is a person supposed to do? Make the most of what we can understand. I do that in two ways. First, at the end of each day I try to remember to ask myself, “What did I learn today?” That prompts me to “review the page” of my notebook for the day. The second thing I do is take the last week of every year to spend time reviewing the previous twelve months. I reflect on my experiences—my successes and failures, my goals accomplished and dreams unmet, the relationships I built and the ones I lost. In this way, I try to help close some of the gap between what I experience and what I understand. Our Attitude Toward Unplanned And Unpleasant Experiences Determines Our Growth Life is full of unforeseen detours. Circumstances happen which seem to completely cut across our plans. Learn to turn your detours into delights. Treat them as special excursions and learning tours. Don’t fight them or you will never learn their purpose. Enjoy the moments and pretty soon you will be back on track again, probably wiser and stronger because of your little detour.” I must admit, having a positive attitude about life’s detours is a constant battle for me. I prefer the expressway and a straight route to a winding scenic road. Anytime I find myself traveling on a detour, I’m looking for the quickest way out—not trying to enjoy the process. I know that’s ironic for a guy who teaches people that the difference between average people and achieving people is their perception of and response to failure. Just because I know something is true and work to practice it doesn’t mean it’s easy. Lack Of Experience Is Costly At the age of forty I now look back at my youth and I cringe at my naïveté. My toolbox of experience had only one tool in it: a hammer. If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. So I pounded and pounded. I fought many battles I shouldn’t have. I enthusiastically led people down dead-end roads. I possessed the confidence that only the inexperienced can possess. I
How To Grow In Your Career: Be Better Tomorrow Than You Are Today
HOW TO GROW IN YOUR CAREER: BE BETTER TOMORROW THAN YOU ARE TODAY I’ve met a lot of people who have destination disease. They think that they have “arrived” by obtaining a specific position or getting to a certain level in an organization. When they get to that desired place, they stop striving to grow or improve. What a waste of potential! There’s certainly nothing wrong with the desire to progress in your career, but never try to “arrive.” Instead, intend your journey to be open-ended. Most people have no idea how far they can go in life. They aim way too low. I know I did when I first started out, but my life began changing when I stopped setting goals for where I wanted to be and started setting the course for who I wanted to be. I have discovered for others and me that the key to personal growth is being more growth oriented than goal oriented. There is no downside to making growth your goal. If you keep learning, you will be better tomorrow than you are today, and that can do so many things for you. THE BETTER YOU ARE, THE MORE PEOPLE LISTEN If you had an interest in cooking, with whom would you rather spend an hour—think of a big name in hotel and hospitality industry (chef, cookbook author, owner of several restaurants, and host of food TV shows) or your neighbour who loves to cook and actually does it “every once in a while”? Or if you were a leadership student, as I am, would you rather spend that hour with the president of your country or with the person who runs the local supermarket? It’s no contest. Why? Because you respect most and can learn best from the person with great competence and experience. Competence is a key to credibility, and credibility is the key to influencing others. If people respect you, they will listen to you. U.S President Abraham Lincoln said, “I don’t think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday.” By focusing on growth, you become wiser each day. THE BETTER YOU ARE, THE GREATER YOUR VALUE TODAY If you were to plant fruit and nut trees in your farm, when could you expect to start harvesting from them? Would you be surprised to learn that you had to wait years—three to seven years for fruit, five to fifteen years for nuts? If you want a tree to produce, first you have to let it grow. The more the tree has grown and has created strong roots that can sustain it, the more it can produce. The more it can produce, the greater its value. People are not all that different. The more they grow, the more valuable they are because they can produce more. In fact, it’s said that a tree keeps growing as long as it is living. I would love to live in such a way that the same could be said for me—“he kept growing until the day he died.” I love this quote from Elbert Hubbard: “If what you did yesterday still looks big to you, you haven’t done much today.” If you look back at past accomplishments, and they don’t look small to you now, then you haven’t grown very much since you completed them. If you look back at a job you did years ago, and you don’t think you could do it better now, then you’re not improving in that area of your life. If you are not continually growing, then it is probably damaging your leadership ability. Warren Bennis and Bert Nanus, authors of Leaders: The Strategies for Taking Charge, said, “It is the capacity to develop and improve their skills that distinguishes leaders from followers.” If you’re not moving forward as a learner, then you are moving backward as a leader. THE BETTER YOU ARE, THE GREATER YOUR POTENTIAL FOR TOMORROW Who are the hardest people to teach? The people who have never tried to learn. Getting them to accept a new idea is like trying to transplant a tomato plant into concrete. Even if you could get it to go into the ground, you know it isn’t going to survive anyway. The more you learn and grow, the greater your capacity to keep learning. And that makes your potential greater and your value for tomorrow higher. Indian reformer Mahatma Gandhi said, “The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems.” That is how great our potential is. All we have to do is keep fighting to learn more, grow more, become more. If you want to influence the people who are ahead of you in the organization—and keep influencing them—then you need to keep getting better. An investment in your growth is an investment in your ability, your adaptability, and your pro-motability. No matter how much it costs you to keep growing and learning, the cost of doing nothing is greater. HOW TO BECOME BETTER TOMORROW Benjamin Franklin said, “By improving yourself, the world is made better. Be not afraid of growing too slowly. Be afraid only of standing still. Forget your mistakes, but remember what they taught you.” So how do you become better tomorrow? By becoming better today. The secret of your success can be found in your daily agenda. Here is what I suggest you do to keep growing and becoming a better person and leader: Learn Your Craft Today You have heard of the saying that says, “The best time to plant a tree is twenty-five years ago. The second best time is today.” There is no time like the present to become an expert at your craft. Maybe you wish you had started earlier. Or maybe you wish you had found a better teacher or mentor years ago. None of that matters. Looking back and lamenting will not help you move forward. You
A Starter’s Guide To Personal Growth: How Do I Improve My Life?
A Starter’s Guide To Personal Growth: How Do I Improve My Life? Growth must be intentional—nobody improves by accident. The poet Robert Browning wrote, “Why stay we on the earth except to grow?” Just about anyone would agree that growing is a good thing, but relatively few people dedicate themselves to the process. Why? Because it requires change, and most people are reluctant to change. But the truthis that without change, growth is impossible. Author Gail Sheehy asserted: If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security. It may mean a giving up of familiar but limiting patterns, safe but unrewarding work, values no longer believed in, relationships that have lost their meaning. As Dostoevsky put it, “taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what most people fear most.” The real fear should be the opposite course. I can’t think of anything worse than living a stagnant life, devoid of change and improvement. GROWTH IS A CHOICE Most people fight against change, especially when it affects them personally. As novelist Leo Tolstoy said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” The ironic thing is that change is inevitable. Everybody has to deal with it. On the other hand, growth is optional. You can choose to grow or fight it. But know this: people unwilling to grow will never reach their potential. In one of his books, Howard Hendricks asks the question, “How have you changed . . . lately? In the last week, let’s say? Or the last month? The last year? Can you be very specific?” He knows how people tend to get into a rut when it comes to growth and change. Growth is a choice, a decision that can really make a difference in a person’s life. Most people don’t realize that unsuccessful and successful people do not differ substantially in their abilities. They vary in their desires to reach their potential. And nothing is more effective when it comes to reaching potential than commitment to personal growth. PRINCIPLES FOR PERSONAL GROWTH Making the change from being an occasional learner to becoming someone dedicated to personal growth goes against the grain of the way most people live. If you asked one hundred people how many books they have read on their own since leaving school (college or high school), I bet only a few would say they have read more than one or two books. If you asked how many watch motivational videos on YouTube and listen to podcasts and voluntarily attend seminars and training programs to grow personally, there would be even fewer. Most people celebrate when they receive their certificates, diplomas or degrees and say to themselves, “Thank God that’s over. Just let me have a good job. I’m finished with studying.” But such thinking doesn’t take you any higher than average. If you want to be successful, you have to keep growing. As someone who is dedicated to personal growth and development, I’d like to help you make the leap to becoming a dedicated self-developer. It’s the way you need to go if you want to reach your potential. Besides that, it also has another benefit: it brings contentment. The happiest people I know are growing every day. Take a look at the following eight principles. They’ll help you develop into a person dedicated to personal growth: Choose A Life Of Growth It’s said that when Spanish composer-cellist Pablo Casals was in the final years of his life, a young reporter asked him, “Mr. Casals, you are ninety-five years old and the greatest cellist that ever lived. Why do you still practice six hours a day?” What was Casals’s answer? “Because I think I’m making progress.” That’s the kind of dedication to continual growth that you should have. The people who reach their potential, no matter what their profession or background, think in terms of improvement. If you think you can “hold your ground” and still make the success journey, you are mistaken. You need to have an attitude like that of General George S. Patton (United States Army in the second world war). It’s said that he told his troops, “There is one thing I want you to remember. I don’t want to get any messages saying we are holding our position. We are advancing constantly.” Patton’s motto was, “Always take the offensive. Never dig in.” The only way to improve the quality of your life is to improve yourself. If you want to grow your organization, you must grow as a leader. If you want better children, you must become a better person. If you want others to treat you more kindly, you must develop better social skills. There is no sure way to make other people in your environment improve. The only thing you truly have the ability to improve is yourself. And the amazing thing is that when you do, everything else around you suddenly gets better. So if you want to take the success journey, you must live a life of growth. And the only way you will grow is if you choose to grow. Start Growing Today Napoleon Hill said, “It’s not what you are going to do, but it’s what you are doing now that counts.” Many unsuccessful people have what I call “someday sickness” because they could do some things to bring value to their lives right now. But they put them off and say they’ll do them someday . Their motto is “One of these days.” But as the old English proverb says, “One of these days means none of these days.” The best way to ensure success is to start growing today. No matter where you may be starting from, don’t be discouraged; everyone who got where he is started where he was. Why do you need to determine to start growing today? There are several reasons: Growth is not automatic.
Execute Like A Champion: Forming New Habits To Get Great Results And More Fulfillment In Life
Execute Like A Champion: Forming New Habits To Get Great Results And More Fulfillment In Life Just Get Started: The Power of Tiny Habits Sometimes the habits you want to implement in your life seem so challenging that you don’t know where to start. Remember, it’s EXTREMELY important that you believe in your ability to consistently implement your new habit. This kind of belief can be a struggle for many of us, butstarting small is a great way to work around it. If your new habit feels too overwhelming, try a smaller, modified version of it that feels manageable to you. Tiny Habits are very powerful and have multiple benefits. Even the simplest habits are easy to neglect. By enabling you to lower the bar to a level that’s more comfortable, Tiny Habits make it much easier to ensure you take consistent action. They also decrease the amount of willpower you have to use to implement the habit. Our brains don’t like change and our minds love efficiency, minimizing the use of willpower is a wonderful thing. Consistency Over Intensity If there’s only one thing you remember from our two previous articles it should be the fact that consistency is far more important than intensity. If your habit requires so much energy that you can’t sustain it long enough for it to become automatic and ingrained in your subconscious, you’ll be very unlikely to succeed in implementing it. You run the risk of crashing and burning, and the harder the task is the more you are likely to procrastinate. This is yet another area where Tiny Habits come in handy. Below are examples of Tiny Habits that you can incorporate into your life without exhausting yourself: Name: The Running HabitHow to Do It: Just put your shoes on and go. Name: The Push-up HabitHow to Do It: Do a push-up. And yes, I mean ‘a’ push-up. Just one. Name: The Writing HabitWhat to Do: Open whatever you use to create documents and start writing something. It can be anything you want, as long as you’re writing. Name: The Diet Habit What to Do: Eat an apple. They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away (and what if they’re right?) Name: Setting daily written goalsWhat to Do: Write one simple goal and achieve it. Is the habit you’re currently trying to implement a challenging one? If so, how could you make easier to get started? Think of a way to turn it into a smaller, more manageable habit. I did this with meditation not too long ago. I really wanted to get back into it, but I knew that diving into it headfirst would probably be too intense. I made it easier by working it into my morning ritual and starting with just 3 minutes. It’s been about 2 weeks and I’m already up to 9 minutes. See how daunting things can become totally doable just by scaling them down a bit? You may be wondering whether you should scale things back and start smaller. That’s a good question, and the answer will vary from person to person. That said, the following question will help you figure out what’s right for you: Will you be able to perform your habit every day for thenext 30 days even when you’re tired or extremely busy? If the answer is yes, you’re golden. If not, then you need to consider modifying your habit until you can say yes to that question. Never Skip Twice New habits are very easy to skip and you might think that it isn’t a big deal. However, nothing could be farther from the truth. There are many people who say that skipping a new habit twice in a row has a devastating effect on your ability to stick with it. I’ve had more than one habit fade away after skipping it twice, and I’ve seen the same thing happen to other people on multiple occasions (New Year’s resolutions, anyone?). Considering how hard it can be to make a new habitautomatic, I would say the Two Skips Phenomenon is very real. Unless the habit is a well-established part of your subconscious, skipping it twice in a row comes with major risks, none of which are worth taking. As harmless as two skips may seem, its dangers make a lot of sense if you really think about it. Skipping a fresh habit twice sends a signal to your brain that the habit isn’t that important after all. If skipping it twice is okay, it must be pretty insignificant. Remember, your brain doesn’t like change. It’s geared towards efficiency, which can make it lazy in a way. It likes to keep things automated and predictable. Disrupting this is hard enough, don’t make it worse by sending it mixed signals about whether your habit is important. When thathappens, your brain will ultimately view the habit as irrelevant and sabotage your efforts to work it into your life. Want to know the best way to keep yourself from skipping a habit twice? Don’t even skip it once! Prepare a Contingency Plan While it’s best to never skip your habit, sometimes that’s easier said than done. Nobody is perfect. We can’t get around the fact that you very well may skip your habit at some point. What we can do, however, is anticipate this issue and combat it with a contingency plan. If you do wind upskipping a habit, the contingency plan will get you back on track. Let’s say your habit is 15 minutes of meditation every morning. If you wake up late one morning and don’t have time to meditate, you can decide to do it as soon as you come home from work. You should always be honest with yourself and have a clear reason as to why you’re skipping your habit. More importantly, you should identify likely obstacles and prepare an IF… THEN plan in advance. I Suck. So What? As Tynan mentioned in his book Superhuman by
How To Implement New, Positive Habits For A More Successful Life
How To Implement New, Positive Habits For A More Successful Life. 1. Failing To Plan Is Planning To Fail In this section we’re going to talk about the importance of preparation when you implement a new habit into your life. Mental Preparation: Getting Your Mind on BoardThe most common reason we fail when attempting to build new habits or work on new goals is lack of mental preparation. If you are reading this article, chances are you’ve tried and failed to form new habits many times in the past. Before you give it another try, you have to ask yourselfexactly why your previous attempts failed. Was it because you tried to implement too many habits at once? Did you lack a strong, intrinsic motivation to break the habit? Were you trying to do it for someone else rather than yourself? Or was it hard to fully believe in yourself? These are common sources of failure, but the reason behind yours might be completely different. Take some time to reflect upon the reasons your previous attempts have failed. Anticipate ObstaclesNow that you’re clearly aware of the reasons behind your previous failures, it’s time to prepare yourself mentally. To do that, you must anticipate the obstacles that may prevent you from forming your new habit and sticking to it in the long run. After all, what’s the point of implementing a new habit if you drop it after a few months? Before starting your new habits, you have to take into account all the mental blocks you may have. Consider the following questions: How confident areyou that you can stick to this new habit? What are some potential obstacles that could lead you to give up? Believing in YourselfDo you believe you can stick to your new habit? If I were to ask you on a scale of 1 to 10 how confident are you that you’ll be able to stick to it for the next 30 days what would you say? If your score isn’t 8 or more you might need to chunk down your habits to make it more realistic and morebelievable. Now that you know where you stand regarding your new habit, can you identify all the possible reasons why you could fail? Prepare Yourself for ObstaclesThings rarely go as planned and there are many things that may stand in your way as you try to establish new habits in your life. It’s essential to take the time to identify the roadblocks you may face with as much clarity as possible. So, what challenges do you think you’re likely to encounter. Let me give you an example of what your list may look like. Let’s assume your goal is to stick to your new diet, which includes reducing your sugar intake. Let’s further assume you’ve decided todo this by breaking your habit of drinking sodas and choosing low-sugar beverages instead. In this case, you might face the following obstacles: Dinner with friends, because it’s difficult to eat healthy when everyone around you is eating tempting foods and drinking the sodas you are trying so hard to avoid. Fast-food chains, because you can easily grab unhealthy food and drinks on your way to work. Emotional eating, because people tend to crave sugar when stressed. Lack of support. If you’re the only one in your family or circle of friends who’s watching what they eat, it’s going to be difficult. It isn’t easy sticking to your habits while watching others indulge in the very things you’re trying to avoid. A weak “why” because you know you should eat healthy but don’t feel motivated enough to do so. When considering these obstacles, it’s a good idea to figure out what triggers you to drink soda and what you can do to work around it. You might purge your fridge of all unhealthy beverages, join a support group, or enlist your friends to help you stay on track when you’re going out withthem. If you’ve made a past attempt at a similar diet that didn’t go well, you should think about why it didn’t work out and see what you can learn from that experience. It’s also advisable to sort through your underlying thoughts surrounding food. Perhaps you associate certain foods or evenexcessive eating and drinking with enjoyable activities such as hanging out with friends or spending time with family. Or maybe you associate them with comfort and use them to cope with unpleasant feelings and situations. If any of these things is the case, it would be wise to adopt new beliefs that don’t support these unhealthy associations and links. Now it’s your turn. What are some obstacles you’re likely to encounter and how will you overcome them? How will you address each of these obstacles, and what can you do to minimize them? Have a Pre-emptive PlanOptimism can make us motivated, but a dash of pessimism can help us succeed. Research shows that predicting how and when you might be tempted to break your vow increases the chances that you will keep a resolution. – Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct. By preparing yourself mentally and rehearsing how you’ll deal with challenging situations in thefuture, you’ll significantly increase your ability to resist temptation and stay on track with your goals.In the instance of the low-sugar diet, you could visualize yourself entering a coffee shop and ordering a coffee with no sugar or another drink with a minimal amount of sugar. This may not be enough to prevent temptation entirely. It will, however, make it easier to make the right choice instead of acting on impulse. You could also visualize yourself opening the fridge and taking a bottle of water instead of a soda. As you continue to visualize yourself making healthy decisions,you’ll increase your chances of successfully dealing with real-life temptation. The “If… Then” MethodThis is a highly effective approach to minimizing your chances of reverting to your old habits. In a nutshell, this method involves creating alternative to what
The Virtue Of Patience: Don’t Expect Immediate Results
The Virtue Of Patience: Don’t expect Immediate Results Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success. — NAPOLEON HILL Patience Isn’t Your Virtue Although we live in a fast-paced world, we can’t get everything we want instantly. Whether you’re hoping to improve your marriage or you want to start your own business, expecting immediate results can set you up to fail. Do any of the points below sound familiar? You don’t believe good things come to those who wait. You think of time as money and you don’t want to risk wasting a single second. Patience isn’t your strong suit. If you don’t see immediate results, you’re likely to presume what you’re doing isn’t working. You want things done now. You often look for shortcuts so you don’t have to expend as much effort and energy getting what you want. You feel frustrated when other people don’t seem to go at your pace. You give up when you aren’t seeing results fast enough. You have trouble sticking to your goals. You think everything should happen fast. You tend to underestimate how long it will take to reach your goals or accomplish something. Successful and wealthy people recognize that a quick fix isn’t always the best solution. A willingness to develop realistic expectations and an understanding that success doesn’t happen overnight is necessary if you want to reach your full potential. Why We Expect Immediate Results We live in a fast-moving world of “no lines, no waiting.” We no longer have to send a letter and wait several days for it to arrive. Instead, we can use the internet to transmit information anywhere in the world within seconds. We don’t have to wait for commercials to end before resuming our favourite TV shows. Subscription video on-demand over-the-top streaming services like Netflix mean we can watch almost any movie we want in an instant. Microwaves and fast food mean we can get our food in a matter of minutes. And we can order almost anything we want online and have it delivered to our doors within twenty-four hours. Not only does our fast-paced world discourage us from waiting, but there are always stories floating around about someone who has become an “overnight success.” You hear about a musician who gets discovered from a YouTube video or a reality star who becomes an instant celebrity. Or start-ups that make millions of dollars as soon as they get off them ground. These types of accounts fuel our desire to get immediate results from whatever we’re doing. Despite the stories about people and businesses achieving immediate results, in reality, success is rarely instant. Twitter’s founder spent eight years creating mobile and social products before founding Twitter, now know as X. Apple’s first iPod took three years and four versions before sales really took off. Amazon wasn’t profitable for the first seven years. There is often folklore about these businesses that suggests they became overnight successes, but that’s because people are looking at the end result and not at all the work it took to get there. So it’s no wonder we have come to expect immediate results in other areas of our lives. Whether we’re trying to rid ourselves of bad habits, like overeating or drinking too much, or we’re working toward goals like paying off debt or earning a college degree, we want it now. Here are some more reasons why we expect immediate results: 1. We lack patienceIt’s evident in our everyday behaviour that we expect things to happen immediately. If we don’t get results, we give up. A study conducted by Ramesh Sitaraman, a computer science professor at UMass Amherst, found that when it comes to technology, our patience lasts two seconds. If within two seconds, an online video doesn’t load, people start leaving the website. Clearly, our patience is short and when we don’t get the results we want right away, it affects our behaviour. 2. We overestimate our abilitiesSometimes we tend to think that we’ll do so well at something that we’ll see results right away. Someone may incorrectly assume he’s likely to become the best performing salesperson at his company within his first month of employment or someone else may assume he can lose tenkilogrammes in just two weeks. Overestimating your abilities can leave you feeling disappointed when you find that you’re not able to perform as well as you’d predicted. 3. We underestimate how long change takesWe’re so used to technology accomplishing things quickly, we incorrectly assume that change in all the areas of our lives can happen fast. We lose sight of the fact that personal change, business operations, and people don’t move nearly as fast as technology. The Problem With Expecting Immediate Unrealistic expectations about how easy it is to make changes and get fast results can set you up to fail. In a 1997 research study titled “End-of-Treatment Self-Efficacy: A Predicator of Abstinence,” researchers reported they found that patients who were overly confident about theirability to abstain from alcohol when they’re discharged from a rehabilitation facility were more likely to relapse compared to patients who were less confident. Overconfidence may cause you to assume that you’ll reach your goal with ease, and then if you don’t get immediate results, you may struggle to stay on course. Expecting immediate results can also cause you to prematurely abandon your efforts. If you aren’t seeing results right away, you may incorrectly assume your efforts aren’t working. A business owner who invests money in a new marketing campaign may assume his efforts didn’t workbecause he doesn’t see an instant increase in sales. But perhaps his investment in advertising is increasing brand recognition that will lead to a steady increase in sales over the long term. Or maybe someone who goes to the gym for a month doesn’t see bigger muscles when he looks in the mirror, so he assumes his workouts aren’t effective. But, in reality, he’s slowly making progress that will take many months,
Change The Way You Think About Failure
Change The Way You Think About Failure Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success. —ROBERT T. KIYOSAKI If At First You Don’t Succeed . . . While some people are motivated by failure to do better the next time, other people simply give up. Do any of these points resonate with you? You worry about being perceived as a failure by other people. You only like to participate in things where you’re likely to excel. If your first attempt at something doesn’t work out well, you’re not likely to try again. You believe the most successful people were born with the natural talent to succeed. There are plenty of things that you don’t think you could ever learn to do, no matter how hard you try. Much of your self-worth is linked to your ability to succeed. The thought of failing feels very unsettling. You tend to make excuses for your failure. You would rather show off the skills you already have than try to learn new skills. Failure doesn’t have to be the end. In fact, most successful people treat failure as just the beginning of a long journey to success. Why We Give Up Fear is often at the heart of our unwillingness to try something again after we’ve failed at it already, but not everyone shares the same fears about failure. One person may worry that he’ll disappoint his parents while another person may worry that she’s too fragile to handle another setback. Ratherthan facing these fears, many people simply avoid risking another failure, which we associate with shame. Some of us try to hide our failures; others devote a lot of energy into making excuses for them. A student may say, “I didn’t have time to study for this test at all,” even though she devoted many hours of her time preparing, just to cover up the fact that she did poorly. Another student may hide his test score from his parents because he’s ashamed that he didn’t do well. In other instances, we allow failure to define who we are. Someone may believe one failure in business means he was never destined to be an entrepreneur, or an individual who fails to publish his first book may conclude he’s a poor writer. Giving up can also be a learned behaviour. Perhaps as a child, your mother swooped in to help you accomplish any task you weren’t able to do on the first try. Or maybe when you told your teacher you couldn’t figure out your math work, she gave you the answers so you never really had to figureit out for yourself. Always expecting someone else to come to our rescue can be a hard habit to break, even into adulthood, making it less likely that we’ll be willing to try again if we fail. Finally, many people give up because they have a fixed mind-set about their abilities. They don’t think that they have any control over their level of talent so they don’t bother improving and trying again after failure. They think if you weren’t born with a God-given talent to do something, there’s no use in trying to learn. The Problem With Giving In To Failure If you have a habit of always giving up after your first failure, you will likely miss out on a lot of opportunities in your life. Failing can actually be a wonderful experience—but only if you move forward with the knowledge you gain from it. It’s difficult to succeed without failing at least once. Take, for example, Theodor Geisel—also known as Dr. Seuss—whose first book was rejected by more than twenty publishers. He eventually went on to publish forty-six of the most well-known children’s books, some of which were turned into television specials, feature films, and Broadway musicals. Had he given up the first time he failed to get a publishing deal, the world would never have had the opportunity to appreciate his unique writing style that has been entertaining children for decades. Giving up after the first failure can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Each time you quit, you reinforce the idea that failure is bad, which in turn will prevent you from trying again; thus your fear of failure inhibits your ability to learn. In a 1998 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers compared fifth-grade children who were praised for their intelligence and children who were praised for their efforts. All the children were given a very difficult test. After they were shown their scores, they were given two options—they could look at the tests of children who scored lower or the tests of children who scored higher. The children who were praised for their intelligence were most likely to look at the scores of the children who scored lower so they could bolster their self-esteem. Children who had been praised for their efforts were more eager to look at the tests of children who scored better so they could learn from their mistakes. If you’re afraid of failure, you’ll be less likely to learn from mistakes and, therefore, less likely to try again. Identify Beliefs About Failure That Prevent You From Trying Again Thomas Edison was one of the most prolific inventors of all time. He held 1,093 patents for his products and the systems to support those products. Some of his most famous inventions included the electric light bulb, motion pictures, and the phonograph. But not all his inventions became wildly successful. You’ve probably never heard of his electric pen or the ghost machine. Those are just a couple of his many failed inventions. Edison knew that a certain number of his inventions were bound to fail and when he created a product that either didn’t work or didn’t seem to be a hit with the market, he didn’t view himself as a failure. In fact, he considered each failure to be an important learning opportunity. According
Taking Calculated Risks
Taking Calculated Risks Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. —RALPH WALDO EMERSON Risk Aversion We face many risks in our lives—financial, physical, emotional, social, and business risks to name a few, but often people avoid taking the risks that could help them reach their full potential because they’re afraid. Do you respond positively to any of the points below? You struggle to make important decisions in your life. You spend a lot of time daydreaming about what you’d like to do, but you don’t take any action. Sometimes you impulsively make a decision because thinking about the decision is just too anxiety provoking. You often think you could be doing a lot more adventurous and exciting things in life, but your fear holds you back. When you think about taking a risk, you usually only imagine the worst-case scenario and choose not to take the chance. You sometimes allow other people to make decisions for you so you don’t have to make them. You avoid risks in at least some areas of your life—social, financial, or physical—because you’re afraid. You base decisions on your level of fear. If you’re a little afraid, you might do something. But, if you feel really afraid, you decide taking the risk is unwise. You think that outcomes are largely dependent on luck. A lack of knowledge about how to calculate risk leads to increased fear. And fearing risk often leads to avoidance. But there are steps you can take to increase your ability to calculate risk accurately, and with practice, your risk-taking skills can improve. Why We Avoid Risks 1. Emotion prevails over logicEven when our emotions lack any type of rational basis, we sometimes allow those feelings to prevail. Instead of thinking about “what could be . . .” we focus on “what if.” But risks don’t have to be reckless. We often base our decisions on emotion instead of logic. We incorrectly assume there’s a direct correlation between our fear level and the risk level. But often, our emotions are just not rational. If we truly understood how to calculate risk, we’d know which risks were worth taking and we’d be a lot less fearful about taking them. 2. We don’t think about risksTo calculate risk, we must predict the probability that the outcome of our behaviour will result in either positive or negative consequences and then measure how big of an impact those consequences will have. Too often a risk evokes such a fear that we decide not to think about it or its consequences at all. And without understanding the potential outcomes of taking a risk, weusually end up avoiding risky ideas or dreams altogether. Risk starts out as a thought process. Whether you’re considering purchasing a new home, or you’re deciding whether to put on your seat belt, the decision involves some level of risk. Your thoughts about the risk will influence the way you feel, and ultimately, sway your behaviour. When you’re driving your car, you decide how fast to go. You face safety and legal risks while driving on the road, and you must balance these risks with your time. The faster you drive, the less time you have to spend in the car, but driving faster will also increase your risk of getting in an accident and receiving legal consequences. It’s unlikely you spend much time thinking about how fast to drive on your way to work each day. Instead your decision to obey the law or break the speed limit weighs heavily on your usual routine. But if you’re running late one day, you’ll need to decide whether to drive faster and risk more physical and legal danger or risk being late for work. The truth is, most of us don’t really invest much time calculating which risks to take and which risks to avoid. Instead, we base our decisions on emotions or habit. If it sounds too scary, we avoid the risk. If we’re excited about the possible benefits, we’re more likely to overlook the risk. The Problem With Fearing Risk 1. You don’t get to be extraordinary without taking calculated risksOthmar Ammann was a Swiss-born engineer who immigrated to the United States. He started out as the chief engineer to the Port Authority of New York and within seven years, they promoted him to director of engineering. By all accounts, he had an important job. But for as long as he could remember, Ammann had dreamed of becoming an architect. So he left his coveted job and set out to open his own business. In the years that followed, Ammann contributed to some of the most impressive American bridges, including the Verrazano-Narrows, the Delaware Memorial, and the Walt Whitman. His ability to design and create ornate,complicated, and extravagant structures earned him multiple awards. Most impressive of all might be that Ammann was sixty years old when he switched careers. He continued to create architectural masterpieces right up until he was eighty-six. At an age when most people don’t want to take any more risks, Ammann chose to take a calculated risk that allowed him to live his dream. If we only take risks that make us the most comfortable, we’relikely missing out on some great opportunities. Taking calculated risks often mean the difference between living a mediocre life and living an extraordinary life. 2. Emotion interferes with making logical choicesYou should have some fear about stepping into traffic. That fear reminds you that you should look both ways before you cross the road, so you can reduce the risk that you’ll get hit by a car. If you didn’t have any fear, you’d likely behave recklessly. But our “fear meters” aren’t always reliable. They sometimes go off even when we’re not in any actual danger. And when we feel afraid, we tend to behave accordingly, falsely believing “If it feels scary, it must be too risky.” For
Strategies To Help You Overcome People Pleasing
Strategies To Help You Overcome People Pleasing Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. —LAO TZU People-pleasing Signs People pleasing is all about trying to control how other people feel. Do you respond positively toany of the points below? You feel responsible for how other people feel. The thought of anyone being mad at you causes you to feel uncomfortable. You tend to be a “pushover.” You find it easier to agree with people rather than express a contrary opinion. You often apologize even when you don’t think you did anything wrong. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict. You don’t usually tell people when you’re feeling offended or your feelings are hurt. You tend to say yes when people ask you for favours, even if you really don’t want to do something. You change your behaviour based on what you think other people want. You put a lot of energy into trying to impress people. If you hosted a party and people didn’t seem to be enjoying themselves, you’d feel responsible. You seek praise and approval from people in your life often. When someone around you is upset, you take responsibility for trying to make him or her feel better. You would never want anyone to think you are selfish. You often feel overscheduled and overburdened by all the things you have to do. Do any of those examples sound familiar? Attempts to be a “nice person” can backfire when your behaviour crosses over into people pleasing. It can take a serious toll on all areas of your life and make it impossible to reach your goals. You can still be a kind and generous person without trying to please everyone. Why We Try To Please People 1. FearConflict and confrontation can be uncomfortable. It’s usually not enjoyable to sit between squabbling co-workers in a meeting. And who wants to attend a family holiday gathering when their relatives are arguing? Fearing conflict, we tell ourselves, If I can make everyone happy, everything will be okay. When a people pleaser sees a car approaching quickly, he may drive faster because he thinks, That guy is in a hurry. I don’t want to make him mad by going too slow. People pleasers may also fear rejection or abandonment. If I don’t make you happy, you won’t like me. They thrive on praise and reassurance from others, and if they’re not receiving enough positive reinforcement, they change their behaviour to try and make people feel happy. 2. Learned behaviourSometimes the desire to avoid conflict stems from childhood. If you were raised by parents who were constantly bickering, you may have learned that conflict is bad and keeping people happy is the best way to prevent arguments. Children of alcoholics, for example, often grow up to be people pleasers because that was the best way to deal with a parent’s unpredictable behaviour. In other cases, doing good deeds was the only way to get any attention. Putting other people first can also become a way to feel needed and important. I’m worth something if I can make other people feel happy. So it becomes a habit to always invest energy into other people’s feelings and lives. A lot of people often say they need to behave like a doormat, because that’s what the Bible says they should do. But I’m pretty sure the Bible says to “treat your neighbour as yourself,” not better than yourself. Most spiritual guidance encourages us to be bold enough to live according to our values, even when doing so displeases some people. The Problem With People Pleasing 1. Your assumptions aren’t always trueMost of us wrongly assume that people-pleasing behaviour proves we’re generous. But when you think about it, always trying to please people isn’t a selfless act. It’s actually quite self-centered. It assumes that everyone cares about your every move. It also assumes you think you have the powerto control how other people feel. If you’re constantly doing things to make others happy and you don’t think they are appreciative of your efforts, you’ll soon experience resentment. Thoughts such as I do so much for you, but you don’t do anything for me will creep in and ultimately hurt your relationships. 2. People pleasing damages relationshipsIt’s an impossible feat to always make everyone around you happy. Perhaps your father-in-law asks you to help him on a project. But if you leave to go help him, your spouse will get angry because you had already made plans to have lunch together. When faced with such a decision, people pleasers will often choose to risk not pleasing the person closest to them. They know thattheir spouse will eventually get over being offended. Unfortunately, this leaves the people you love the most feeling hurt or angry. Shouldn’t we do the opposite? Shouldn’t we work the hardest on the most intimate and special relationships? Ever met someone who behaves like a martyr? Such individuals’ attempts to please others actually becomes a turnoff. They’re constantly saying things like “I do everything around here” or “If I don’t do it, no one will.” Martyrs risk becoming angry, bitter people, as their attempts to make others happy backfire. Whether you’re guilty of thinking you’re a martyr, or you simply struggle to say no when you fear you’ll hurt someone’s feelings, there aren’t any guarantees people will like you just because you try to please them. Instead, they may simply start taking advantage of you without forming a deeperrelationship based on trust and mutual respect. 3. People pleasers lose sight of their valuesBronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent many years working with patients who were dying, cites people pleasing as one of the biggest regrets she heard her patients share on their deathbeds. In her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, she explains how dying people often said they wished they had lived a more authentic life. Instead of dressing, acting, and speaking