The Virtue Of Patience: Don’t Expect Immediate Results
The Virtue Of Patience: Don’t expect Immediate Results Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success. — NAPOLEON HILL Patience Isn’t Your Virtue Although we live in a fast-paced world, we can’t get everything we want instantly. Whether you’re hoping to improve your marriage or you want to start your own business, expecting immediate results can set you up to fail. Do any of the points below sound familiar? You don’t believe good things come to those who wait. You think of time as money and you don’t want to risk wasting a single second. Patience isn’t your strong suit. If you don’t see immediate results, you’re likely to presume what you’re doing isn’t working. You want things done now. You often look for shortcuts so you don’t have to expend as much effort and energy getting what you want. You feel frustrated when other people don’t seem to go at your pace. You give up when you aren’t seeing results fast enough. You have trouble sticking to your goals. You think everything should happen fast. You tend to underestimate how long it will take to reach your goals or accomplish something. Successful and wealthy people recognize that a quick fix isn’t always the best solution. A willingness to develop realistic expectations and an understanding that success doesn’t happen overnight is necessary if you want to reach your full potential. Why We Expect Immediate Results We live in a fast-moving world of “no lines, no waiting.” We no longer have to send a letter and wait several days for it to arrive. Instead, we can use the internet to transmit information anywhere in the world within seconds. We don’t have to wait for commercials to end before resuming our favourite TV shows. Subscription video on-demand over-the-top streaming services like Netflix mean we can watch almost any movie we want in an instant. Microwaves and fast food mean we can get our food in a matter of minutes. And we can order almost anything we want online and have it delivered to our doors within twenty-four hours. Not only does our fast-paced world discourage us from waiting, but there are always stories floating around about someone who has become an “overnight success.” You hear about a musician who gets discovered from a YouTube video or a reality star who becomes an instant celebrity. Or start-ups that make millions of dollars as soon as they get off them ground. These types of accounts fuel our desire to get immediate results from whatever we’re doing. Despite the stories about people and businesses achieving immediate results, in reality, success is rarely instant. Twitter’s founder spent eight years creating mobile and social products before founding Twitter, now know as X. Apple’s first iPod took three years and four versions before sales really took off. Amazon wasn’t profitable for the first seven years. There is often folklore about these businesses that suggests they became overnight successes, but that’s because people are looking at the end result and not at all the work it took to get there. So it’s no wonder we have come to expect immediate results in other areas of our lives. Whether we’re trying to rid ourselves of bad habits, like overeating or drinking too much, or we’re working toward goals like paying off debt or earning a college degree, we want it now. Here are some more reasons why we expect immediate results: 1. We lack patienceIt’s evident in our everyday behaviour that we expect things to happen immediately. If we don’t get results, we give up. A study conducted by Ramesh Sitaraman, a computer science professor at UMass Amherst, found that when it comes to technology, our patience lasts two seconds. If within two seconds, an online video doesn’t load, people start leaving the website. Clearly, our patience is short and when we don’t get the results we want right away, it affects our behaviour. 2. We overestimate our abilitiesSometimes we tend to think that we’ll do so well at something that we’ll see results right away. Someone may incorrectly assume he’s likely to become the best performing salesperson at his company within his first month of employment or someone else may assume he can lose tenkilogrammes in just two weeks. Overestimating your abilities can leave you feeling disappointed when you find that you’re not able to perform as well as you’d predicted. 3. We underestimate how long change takesWe’re so used to technology accomplishing things quickly, we incorrectly assume that change in all the areas of our lives can happen fast. We lose sight of the fact that personal change, business operations, and people don’t move nearly as fast as technology. The Problem With Expecting Immediate Unrealistic expectations about how easy it is to make changes and get fast results can set you up to fail. In a 1997 research study titled “End-of-Treatment Self-Efficacy: A Predicator of Abstinence,” researchers reported they found that patients who were overly confident about theirability to abstain from alcohol when they’re discharged from a rehabilitation facility were more likely to relapse compared to patients who were less confident. Overconfidence may cause you to assume that you’ll reach your goal with ease, and then if you don’t get immediate results, you may struggle to stay on course. Expecting immediate results can also cause you to prematurely abandon your efforts. If you aren’t seeing results right away, you may incorrectly assume your efforts aren’t working. A business owner who invests money in a new marketing campaign may assume his efforts didn’t workbecause he doesn’t see an instant increase in sales. But perhaps his investment in advertising is increasing brand recognition that will lead to a steady increase in sales over the long term. Or maybe someone who goes to the gym for a month doesn’t see bigger muscles when he looks in the mirror, so he assumes his workouts aren’t effective. But, in reality, he’s slowly making progress that will take many months,
Change The Way You Think About Failure
Change The Way You Think About Failure Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success. —ROBERT T. KIYOSAKI If At First You Don’t Succeed . . . While some people are motivated by failure to do better the next time, other people simply give up. Do any of these points resonate with you? You worry about being perceived as a failure by other people. You only like to participate in things where you’re likely to excel. If your first attempt at something doesn’t work out well, you’re not likely to try again. You believe the most successful people were born with the natural talent to succeed. There are plenty of things that you don’t think you could ever learn to do, no matter how hard you try. Much of your self-worth is linked to your ability to succeed. The thought of failing feels very unsettling. You tend to make excuses for your failure. You would rather show off the skills you already have than try to learn new skills. Failure doesn’t have to be the end. In fact, most successful people treat failure as just the beginning of a long journey to success. Why We Give Up Fear is often at the heart of our unwillingness to try something again after we’ve failed at it already, but not everyone shares the same fears about failure. One person may worry that he’ll disappoint his parents while another person may worry that she’s too fragile to handle another setback. Ratherthan facing these fears, many people simply avoid risking another failure, which we associate with shame. Some of us try to hide our failures; others devote a lot of energy into making excuses for them. A student may say, “I didn’t have time to study for this test at all,” even though she devoted many hours of her time preparing, just to cover up the fact that she did poorly. Another student may hide his test score from his parents because he’s ashamed that he didn’t do well. In other instances, we allow failure to define who we are. Someone may believe one failure in business means he was never destined to be an entrepreneur, or an individual who fails to publish his first book may conclude he’s a poor writer. Giving up can also be a learned behaviour. Perhaps as a child, your mother swooped in to help you accomplish any task you weren’t able to do on the first try. Or maybe when you told your teacher you couldn’t figure out your math work, she gave you the answers so you never really had to figureit out for yourself. Always expecting someone else to come to our rescue can be a hard habit to break, even into adulthood, making it less likely that we’ll be willing to try again if we fail. Finally, many people give up because they have a fixed mind-set about their abilities. They don’t think that they have any control over their level of talent so they don’t bother improving and trying again after failure. They think if you weren’t born with a God-given talent to do something, there’s no use in trying to learn. The Problem With Giving In To Failure If you have a habit of always giving up after your first failure, you will likely miss out on a lot of opportunities in your life. Failing can actually be a wonderful experience—but only if you move forward with the knowledge you gain from it. It’s difficult to succeed without failing at least once. Take, for example, Theodor Geisel—also known as Dr. Seuss—whose first book was rejected by more than twenty publishers. He eventually went on to publish forty-six of the most well-known children’s books, some of which were turned into television specials, feature films, and Broadway musicals. Had he given up the first time he failed to get a publishing deal, the world would never have had the opportunity to appreciate his unique writing style that has been entertaining children for decades. Giving up after the first failure can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Each time you quit, you reinforce the idea that failure is bad, which in turn will prevent you from trying again; thus your fear of failure inhibits your ability to learn. In a 1998 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers compared fifth-grade children who were praised for their intelligence and children who were praised for their efforts. All the children were given a very difficult test. After they were shown their scores, they were given two options—they could look at the tests of children who scored lower or the tests of children who scored higher. The children who were praised for their intelligence were most likely to look at the scores of the children who scored lower so they could bolster their self-esteem. Children who had been praised for their efforts were more eager to look at the tests of children who scored better so they could learn from their mistakes. If you’re afraid of failure, you’ll be less likely to learn from mistakes and, therefore, less likely to try again. Identify Beliefs About Failure That Prevent You From Trying Again Thomas Edison was one of the most prolific inventors of all time. He held 1,093 patents for his products and the systems to support those products. Some of his most famous inventions included the electric light bulb, motion pictures, and the phonograph. But not all his inventions became wildly successful. You’ve probably never heard of his electric pen or the ghost machine. Those are just a couple of his many failed inventions. Edison knew that a certain number of his inventions were bound to fail and when he created a product that either didn’t work or didn’t seem to be a hit with the market, he didn’t view himself as a failure. In fact, he considered each failure to be an important learning opportunity. According
Taking Calculated Risks
Taking Calculated Risks Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. —RALPH WALDO EMERSON Risk Aversion We face many risks in our lives—financial, physical, emotional, social, and business risks to name a few, but often people avoid taking the risks that could help them reach their full potential because they’re afraid. Do you respond positively to any of the points below? You struggle to make important decisions in your life. You spend a lot of time daydreaming about what you’d like to do, but you don’t take any action. Sometimes you impulsively make a decision because thinking about the decision is just too anxiety provoking. You often think you could be doing a lot more adventurous and exciting things in life, but your fear holds you back. When you think about taking a risk, you usually only imagine the worst-case scenario and choose not to take the chance. You sometimes allow other people to make decisions for you so you don’t have to make them. You avoid risks in at least some areas of your life—social, financial, or physical—because you’re afraid. You base decisions on your level of fear. If you’re a little afraid, you might do something. But, if you feel really afraid, you decide taking the risk is unwise. You think that outcomes are largely dependent on luck. A lack of knowledge about how to calculate risk leads to increased fear. And fearing risk often leads to avoidance. But there are steps you can take to increase your ability to calculate risk accurately, and with practice, your risk-taking skills can improve. Why We Avoid Risks 1. Emotion prevails over logicEven when our emotions lack any type of rational basis, we sometimes allow those feelings to prevail. Instead of thinking about “what could be . . .” we focus on “what if.” But risks don’t have to be reckless. We often base our decisions on emotion instead of logic. We incorrectly assume there’s a direct correlation between our fear level and the risk level. But often, our emotions are just not rational. If we truly understood how to calculate risk, we’d know which risks were worth taking and we’d be a lot less fearful about taking them. 2. We don’t think about risksTo calculate risk, we must predict the probability that the outcome of our behaviour will result in either positive or negative consequences and then measure how big of an impact those consequences will have. Too often a risk evokes such a fear that we decide not to think about it or its consequences at all. And without understanding the potential outcomes of taking a risk, weusually end up avoiding risky ideas or dreams altogether. Risk starts out as a thought process. Whether you’re considering purchasing a new home, or you’re deciding whether to put on your seat belt, the decision involves some level of risk. Your thoughts about the risk will influence the way you feel, and ultimately, sway your behaviour. When you’re driving your car, you decide how fast to go. You face safety and legal risks while driving on the road, and you must balance these risks with your time. The faster you drive, the less time you have to spend in the car, but driving faster will also increase your risk of getting in an accident and receiving legal consequences. It’s unlikely you spend much time thinking about how fast to drive on your way to work each day. Instead your decision to obey the law or break the speed limit weighs heavily on your usual routine. But if you’re running late one day, you’ll need to decide whether to drive faster and risk more physical and legal danger or risk being late for work. The truth is, most of us don’t really invest much time calculating which risks to take and which risks to avoid. Instead, we base our decisions on emotions or habit. If it sounds too scary, we avoid the risk. If we’re excited about the possible benefits, we’re more likely to overlook the risk. The Problem With Fearing Risk 1. You don’t get to be extraordinary without taking calculated risksOthmar Ammann was a Swiss-born engineer who immigrated to the United States. He started out as the chief engineer to the Port Authority of New York and within seven years, they promoted him to director of engineering. By all accounts, he had an important job. But for as long as he could remember, Ammann had dreamed of becoming an architect. So he left his coveted job and set out to open his own business. In the years that followed, Ammann contributed to some of the most impressive American bridges, including the Verrazano-Narrows, the Delaware Memorial, and the Walt Whitman. His ability to design and create ornate,complicated, and extravagant structures earned him multiple awards. Most impressive of all might be that Ammann was sixty years old when he switched careers. He continued to create architectural masterpieces right up until he was eighty-six. At an age when most people don’t want to take any more risks, Ammann chose to take a calculated risk that allowed him to live his dream. If we only take risks that make us the most comfortable, we’relikely missing out on some great opportunities. Taking calculated risks often mean the difference between living a mediocre life and living an extraordinary life. 2. Emotion interferes with making logical choicesYou should have some fear about stepping into traffic. That fear reminds you that you should look both ways before you cross the road, so you can reduce the risk that you’ll get hit by a car. If you didn’t have any fear, you’d likely behave recklessly. But our “fear meters” aren’t always reliable. They sometimes go off even when we’re not in any actual danger. And when we feel afraid, we tend to behave accordingly, falsely believing “If it feels scary, it must be too risky.” For
Strategies To Help You Overcome People Pleasing
Strategies To Help You Overcome People Pleasing Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. —LAO TZU People-pleasing Signs People pleasing is all about trying to control how other people feel. Do you respond positively toany of the points below? You feel responsible for how other people feel. The thought of anyone being mad at you causes you to feel uncomfortable. You tend to be a “pushover.” You find it easier to agree with people rather than express a contrary opinion. You often apologize even when you don’t think you did anything wrong. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict. You don’t usually tell people when you’re feeling offended or your feelings are hurt. You tend to say yes when people ask you for favours, even if you really don’t want to do something. You change your behaviour based on what you think other people want. You put a lot of energy into trying to impress people. If you hosted a party and people didn’t seem to be enjoying themselves, you’d feel responsible. You seek praise and approval from people in your life often. When someone around you is upset, you take responsibility for trying to make him or her feel better. You would never want anyone to think you are selfish. You often feel overscheduled and overburdened by all the things you have to do. Do any of those examples sound familiar? Attempts to be a “nice person” can backfire when your behaviour crosses over into people pleasing. It can take a serious toll on all areas of your life and make it impossible to reach your goals. You can still be a kind and generous person without trying to please everyone. Why We Try To Please People 1. FearConflict and confrontation can be uncomfortable. It’s usually not enjoyable to sit between squabbling co-workers in a meeting. And who wants to attend a family holiday gathering when their relatives are arguing? Fearing conflict, we tell ourselves, If I can make everyone happy, everything will be okay. When a people pleaser sees a car approaching quickly, he may drive faster because he thinks, That guy is in a hurry. I don’t want to make him mad by going too slow. People pleasers may also fear rejection or abandonment. If I don’t make you happy, you won’t like me. They thrive on praise and reassurance from others, and if they’re not receiving enough positive reinforcement, they change their behaviour to try and make people feel happy. 2. Learned behaviourSometimes the desire to avoid conflict stems from childhood. If you were raised by parents who were constantly bickering, you may have learned that conflict is bad and keeping people happy is the best way to prevent arguments. Children of alcoholics, for example, often grow up to be people pleasers because that was the best way to deal with a parent’s unpredictable behaviour. In other cases, doing good deeds was the only way to get any attention. Putting other people first can also become a way to feel needed and important. I’m worth something if I can make other people feel happy. So it becomes a habit to always invest energy into other people’s feelings and lives. A lot of people often say they need to behave like a doormat, because that’s what the Bible says they should do. But I’m pretty sure the Bible says to “treat your neighbour as yourself,” not better than yourself. Most spiritual guidance encourages us to be bold enough to live according to our values, even when doing so displeases some people. The Problem With People Pleasing 1. Your assumptions aren’t always trueMost of us wrongly assume that people-pleasing behaviour proves we’re generous. But when you think about it, always trying to please people isn’t a selfless act. It’s actually quite self-centered. It assumes that everyone cares about your every move. It also assumes you think you have the powerto control how other people feel. If you’re constantly doing things to make others happy and you don’t think they are appreciative of your efforts, you’ll soon experience resentment. Thoughts such as I do so much for you, but you don’t do anything for me will creep in and ultimately hurt your relationships. 2. People pleasing damages relationshipsIt’s an impossible feat to always make everyone around you happy. Perhaps your father-in-law asks you to help him on a project. But if you leave to go help him, your spouse will get angry because you had already made plans to have lunch together. When faced with such a decision, people pleasers will often choose to risk not pleasing the person closest to them. They know thattheir spouse will eventually get over being offended. Unfortunately, this leaves the people you love the most feeling hurt or angry. Shouldn’t we do the opposite? Shouldn’t we work the hardest on the most intimate and special relationships? Ever met someone who behaves like a martyr? Such individuals’ attempts to please others actually becomes a turnoff. They’re constantly saying things like “I do everything around here” or “If I don’t do it, no one will.” Martyrs risk becoming angry, bitter people, as their attempts to make others happy backfire. Whether you’re guilty of thinking you’re a martyr, or you simply struggle to say no when you fear you’ll hurt someone’s feelings, there aren’t any guarantees people will like you just because you try to please them. Instead, they may simply start taking advantage of you without forming a deeperrelationship based on trust and mutual respect. 3. People pleasers lose sight of their valuesBronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent many years working with patients who were dying, cites people pleasing as one of the biggest regrets she heard her patients share on their deathbeds. In her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, she explains how dying people often said they wished they had lived a more authentic life. Instead of dressing, acting, and speaking
Reclaiming Your Personal Power
Reclaiming Your Personal Power When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness. — DALE CARNEGIE Giving other people the power to control how you think, feel, and behave makes it impossible to be happy and successful. Do any of the points below sound familiar? You feel deeply offended by any criticism or negative feedback you receive, regardless of the source. Other people have the ability to make you feel so angry that you say and do things you later regret. You’ve changed your goals based on what other people have told you that you should be doing with your life. The type of day you’re going to have depends on how other people behave. When other people try to guilt you into doing something, you reluctantly do it, even if you don’t want to You work hard to ensure other people see you in a positive light because much of your self-worth depends on how others perceive you. You spend a lot of time complaining about people and circumstances that you don’t like. You often complain about all the things you “have to” do in life. You go to great lengths to avoid uncomfortable emotions, like embarrassment or sadness. You have difficulty setting boundaries, but then feel resentful toward people who take up your time and energy. You hold a grudge when someone offends you or hurts you. Can you see yourself in any of the above examples? Retaining your power is about being confident in who you are and the choices you make, despite the people around you and the circumstances you’re in. Why We Give Away Our Power Anytime you don’t set healthy emotional and physical boundaries for yourself, you risk giving away your power to other people. Perhaps you don’t dare say no when your neighbour asks for a favour. Or maybe you dread receiving a phone call from a friend who constantly complains, but you continue to pick up on the first ring. Each time you avoid saying no to something you really don’t want, you give away your power. If you don’t make any attempt to get your needs met, you’ll give people permission to take things away from you. A lack of emotional boundaries can be equally problematic. If you don’t like the way someone treats you, yet you don’t stand up for yourself, you give that person power over your life. The Problem With Giving Away Your Power There are many problems with giving away your power: 1. You depend on others to regulate your feelingsWhen you give away your power, you become completely dependent upon other people and external circumstances to regulate your emotions. Life often becomes like a roller coaster—when things are going well, you’ll feel good; but when your circumstances change, your thoughts, feelings, and behaviour will shift. 2. You let other people define your self-worthIf you give others the power to determine your self-worth, you’ll never feel worthy enough. You’ll only be as good as someone else’s opinion of you and you will never be able to receive enough praise or positive feedback to meet your needs if you depend on others to feel good about yourself. 3. You avoid addressing the real problemGiving away your power lends itself to helplessness. Rather than focus on what you can do to improve the situation, you’ll find an excuse to justify your problems. 4. You become a victim of your circumstancesYou’ll become a passenger in your own life rather than a driver. You’ll say other people make you feel bad or force you to behave in a manner you don’t like. You’ll blame others instead of accepting responsibility for your choices. 5. You become highly sensitive to criticismYou’ll lack the ability to evaluate criticism. Instead, you’ll take anything anyone says to heart. You’ll give much more power to other people’s words than those words deserve. 6. You lose sight of your goalsYou won’t be able to build the kind of life you want when you allow other people to be in control of your goals. You can’t work toward your goals successfully when you give other people the power to get in your way and interfere with your progress. 7. You ruin relationshipsIf you don’t speak up when people hurt your feelings or you allow them to infringe on your life in an unwelcomed manner, you’ll likely grow resentful toward them. Reclaim Your Power Without confidence in who you are, your entire self-worth may depend on how others feel about you. What if you offend people? What if they don’t like you anymore? If you choose to put uphealthy boundaries, you may receive some backlash. But if you have a strong enough sense of self-worth, you’ll learn that you can tolerate the repercussions. Identify People Who Have Taken Your Power Choosing to forgive someone who has hurt you, either emotionally or physically, doesn’t mean you have to excuse the other person’s behaviour, but letting go of your anger frees you to focus your energy on a more worthwhile cause. If you’ve spent most of your life feeling like a victim of your circumstances, it takes hard work to recognize that you have the power to choose your own path in life. The first step is to develop self-awareness by identifying when you blame external circumstances and other people for how you think, feel, and behave. Take a close look at the people you are devoting your time and energy toward. Are they the people you want to receive it? If not, you may be giving them more power than you think they deserve. Each second you spend commiserating with co-workers about how unfair your boss is, you are giving your boss more power. Every time you tell your friends how controlling your mother-in-law is, you give her a little more power over you. Resolve to stop giving people your time and energy
Change: Taking A Real Decision
Change: Taking A Real Decision It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t . . . It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not. — JAMES GORDON Although it’s often easy to say you want to change, successfully making a change is hard. Our thoughts and emotions often prevent us from creating behavioural change, even when it will improve our lives. Many people shy away from making changes that can drastically improve their lives. See if any of the following apply to you: You tend to justify a bad habit by convincing yourself what you’re doing isn’t “that bad.” You experience a lot of anxiety about changes to your routine. Even when you’re in a bad situation, you worry that making a change might make things worse. Whenever you attempt to make a change, you struggle to stick with it. When your boss, family, or friends make changes that affect you, it’s difficult for you to adapt. You think a lot about making changes but put off doing anything different until later. You worry that any changes you make aren’t likely to last. The thought of stepping outside your comfort zone just seems too scary. You lack the motivation to create positive change because it’s too hard. You make excuses for why you can’t change, like “I’d like to exercise more, but my spouse doesn’t want to go with me.” You have difficulty recalling the last time you purposely tried to challenge yourself to become better. You hesitate to do anything new because it just seems like too big of a commitment. Do any of the above examples sound familiar? Although circumstances can change quickly, humans often change at a much slower pace. Choosing to do something different requires you to adapt your thinking and your behaviour, which will likely bring up some uncomfortable emotions. But that doesn’t mean you should shy away from change. Many people shy away from change because they think that doing something different is too risky or uncomfortable. Types Of Change We can experience different types of change, some you might find easier than others: 1. All-or-nothing changeSome changes are incremental while others are basically all or nothing. Deciding to have a child, for example, isn’t something you can do in steps. Once you have that baby, your life has irrevocably changed. 2. Habit changeYou can choose to either get rid of bad habits, like sleeping too late, or you can choose to create good habits, like exercising five times a week. Most habit changes allow you to try something new for a little while, but you can always revert back to your old habits. 3. Trying-something-new changeChange sometimes involves trying something new or mixing up your daily routine, like volunteering at a hospital or taking violin lessons. 4. Behavioural changeSometimes there are behavioural changes that don’t necessarily constitute a habit. For example, maybe you want to commit to going to all of your child’s sports games or maybe you want to behave friendlier. 5. Emotional changeNot all change is tangible. Sometimes it’s emotional. For example, if you want to feel less irritable all the time, you’ll need to examine the thoughts and behaviours that contribute to your irritability. 6. Cognitive changeThere may be ways in which you want to change your thinking as well. Perhaps you want to think less about the past or maybe decrease worrisome thoughts. Readiness For Change New Year’s resolutions are commonly broken, because we try to make changes based on a date and not because we’re really ready. And if you aren’t ready to create change, you likely won’t be successful at maintaining it. Even changing one small habit, like deciding you’ll floss your teeth every day or giving up your bedtime snack, requires a certain level of commitment. The Five Stages Of Change 1. Precontemplation – When people are precontemplative, they don’t yet identify any need to change. 2. Contemplation – People who are actively contemplative are considering the pros and cons of making a change.3. Preparation – This is the stage where people prepare to make a change. They establish a plan with concrete steps that identify what they are going to do differently.4. Action – This is where the concrete behavioural change takes place.5. Maintenance – This often overlooked step is essential. You need to plan ahead so that you can maintain your lifestyle changes even when your are facing obstacles. Why We Shy Away From Change 1. FearMany people worry that doing something different may make things even worse. Maybe you don’t like the house you’re living in, but you worry that a new home could have even bigger problems. Or maybe you worry about ending a relationship because you are afraid you won’t ever find anyone better. So you convince yourself to keep things the same, even if you’re not happy. 2. Avoiding DiscomfortMany people associate change with discomfort. And often, they underestimate their ability to tolerate the discomfort that accompanies a behavioural change. 3. GriefDoing something different means giving something up. And there’s often a grief associated with leaving something behind. To spare ourselves this grief, we can convince ourselves not to change. The Problem With Shying Away From Change Shying away from change can have serious consequences. Avoiding change and remaining stagnant can interfere with personal growth in all areas of your life. 1. Staying the same often equals getting stuck in a rutLife can get pretty boring if you don’t do anything differently. A person who simply decides to keep things as mundane and low-key as possible isn’t likely to experience a rich, full life and might become depressed. 2. You won’t learn new thingsThe world will change with or without you. Don’t think that your choice not to change will prevent anyone else from embracing change. You’ll risk being left in the dust if you choose to keep doing everything the same for the rest of your life. 3. Your life may
Genius Foods: Become Smarter, Happier And More Productive
Genius Foods: Become Smarter, Happier And More Productive Men ought to know that from the brain, and from the brain only, arise our pleasures, joys, laughter and jests, as well as our sorrows, pains, griefs and tears. Through it, in particular, we think, see, hear and distinguish the ugly from the beautiful, the bad from the good, the pleasant from theunpleasant. It is the same thing which makes us mad or delirious, inspires us with fear, brings sleeplessness and aimless anxieties. . . . In these ways I hold that the brain is the most powerful organ in the human body. –HIPPOCRATES YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT Our industrially ravaged diets supply cheap and plentiful calories with poor nutrient content and toxic additives. Our careers shoehorn us into doing the same tasks over and over again, while our brains thrive with change and stimulation. We are saddled with stress, a lack of connection to nature, unnatural sleep patterns, and overexposure to news and tragedy, and our social networks have been replaced by The Social Network—all of which lead ultimately to premature aging and decay. We’ve created a world so far removed from the one in which our brains evolved that they are now struggling to survive. Nowadays, even well-educated people are confused when it comes to nutrition. One day we’re told to avoid whole milk, the next that we may as well drink it. On a Monday we hear that physical activity is the best way to lose weight, only to learn by Friday that its impact on our waistline ismarginal compared to diet. We are told over and over again that whole grains are the key to a healthy heart, but is heart disease really caused by a deficiency of morning oatmeal? Blogs and traditional news media alike attempt to cover new science, but their coverage (and sensational headlines) often seems more intent on driving hits to their websites than informing the public. In this article we’ll use diet to reset your brain to its “factory settings,” leaving you feeling and performing your very best. Up next, as you begin to reclaim your cognitive legacy, you’re going to learn about the nutrient that your brain is desperate for. May the odds be ever in your favour. 1. Extra-Virgin Olive Oil Place some extra-virgin olive oil (EVOO) in a spoon, and then slowly slurp it up like you’re eating soup and being particularly rude about it. (Yes, I’m telling you to drink oil, but you’ll see why in a second.) You should in short order notice a spicy feeling in the back of your throat: that’s a compound called oleocanthal. Oleocanthal is a type of phenol—plant compounds that powerfully stimulate our bodies’ own repair mechanisms when we consume them (phenols are usually found linked together in the form of polyphenols). Oleocanthal possesses anti-inflammatory effects so powerful that it is comparable to taking a small dose of ibuprofen, a nonsteroidal anti inflammatory drug, but without any of the potential side effects. Inflammation can strongly negate neuroplasticity (the ability of the brain to change throughout life) and even produce feelings of depression Extra-virgin olive oil is a staple food in the Mediterranean diet, and people who consume these kinds of diets display lower incidence of senile dementia. Oleocanthal may play a role here as well, having demonstrated the potential to help the brain clear itself of the amyloid plaque, the sticky protein that aggregates to toxic levels in senile dementia. It does this by increasing the activity of enzymes that degrade the plaque. It has been shown in large, long-term trials to protect the brain against decline (and even improve cognitive function) when consumed at volumes of up to a litre per week. And if protecting your brain wasn’t enough, EVOO has been shown to block an enzyme in fatty tissue called fatty acid synthase, which creates fat out of excess dietary carbohydrates. Aside from oleocanthal, EVOO is also a rich source of monounsaturated fat, which is a healthy fat that helps maintain the health of your blood vessels and your liver, and can even help you lose weight. One tablespoon also contains 10 percent of the recommended intake of vitamin E per day. Vitamin E is an antioxidant that protects fatty structures in your body—such as your brain—from the wear and tear of aging. About finding the right olive oil, colour has no bearing on the quality of the oil. The single best way to assess an oil is to taste it. Good extra-virgin olive oils should taste grassy, never greasy. Because oleocanthal is responsible for virgin oil’s peppery taste, it can in fact be used as a measure of how much oleocanthal is present in the oil. Stronger oils can be so spicy that you may find yourself coughing from the heat—which is actually a classification of oil quality! Next time you find yourself consuming “three-cough” oil, you’ll know you’ve found a keeper and your brain will thank you for it. How to use: Extra-virgin olive oil should be the main oil in your diet, to be used liberally on salads, eggs, and as a sauce. Ensure that the oil is kept in a bottle that shields it from light (dark glass or tin is fine) and store in a cool, dry place. 2. Avocados Avocados are an all-in-one Genius Food—the perfect food to protect and enhance your brain. To start, they have the highest total fat-protecting capacity of any fruit or vegetable. This is good news for your brain, which is not only the fattiest organ in your body, but also a magnet for oxidativestress (a major driver of aging)—a consequence of the fact that 25 percent of the oxygen you breathe goes to create energy in your brain! Avocados are also rich in different types of vitamin E (a characteristic not many supplements can claim), and they are a potent repository for the carotenoids lutein and zeaxanthin. These pigments can boost your brain’s processing speed, but they
Capitalizing On Your Strengths To Achieve Success
Capitalizing On Your Strengths To Achieve Success I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position one has reached in life as by the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed. —Booker T. Washington You are extraordinary! The odds are more than 50 billion to 1 against there ever being anyone with the unique combination of talents, skills, and abilities that you bring to your life and to your world. The incredible things that you can do and be, no one knows, not even you. However, the one thing we do know is that virtually everything noteworthy that you will ever achieve will come from your ability to identify your areas of greatest strength and then to capitalize on them in every situation. Your Area of Excellence Each person has one or more “areas of excellence” that, if properly exploited, would enable them to be, have, and do, almost anything they could possibly want. Each person, as the result of years of education and experience, has developed possibilities that make him or her different from all other people. The men and women who achieve the most, in every field, are invariably those who have taken the time to identify their areas of greatest strengths and then to capitalize on them continuously. Life is the study of attention. Where your attention goes, there will your heart be, too. The people, things, and events that hold your attention are indicative of your entire mental makeup. The things you are interested in are an indication of what you should be doing more of. Choose the Right Field In one longitudinal study examining 1,500 men and women who started out eager and ambitious at the beginning of their careers, they found that only 83 of them, over the course of 20 years, became millionaires.When they went back and studied the attitudes and decisions of these people, as they had evolved over the 20 years, they found that all millionaires had one thing in common. They had all chosen fields they enjoyed and then become totally absorbed in what they were doing. They had gone to work in an area of endeavour in which they were extremely interested and which held their entire attention. They had then thrown their whole hearts into becoming very good in that area, developing the strengths necessary to succeed in that field. They had then capitalized on those strengths by becoming better and better progressively over time. The conclusion of the study was that success, wealth, and happiness seemed to occur when a person was completely pre-occupied doing something else. The wealthy people in this study never set out to make a lot of money. Instead, they set out to find fields that they really enjoyed, and then theydevoted themselves to them. The money came as an afterthought. Happiness and Satisfaction The flip side of this equation is that you will never really be happy or satisfied until you have found a way to apply your unique human capabilities to your life and to your career. In the book, Working, by Studs Terkel (Pantheon Books, 1974), he reports that more than 80 percent of peopledo not feel that their full potential is being utilized in their work. They may be busy and they may be reasonably satisfied, but, way down deep, they feel that there is far more that they could do if given the right situation and the right opportunity. You probably feel this way yourself, from time to time. This is called the feeling of divine discontent. It is a feeling of uneasiness and dissatisfaction that arises whenever you are not fully challenged by what you are doing. To enjoy high levels of happiness and success, you must be working at the outer edge of your envelope. You must be stretching your capabilities continually. You must have a feeling that you are growing, day by day, with the challenges that your work is putting on you. Without that feeling of challenge and growth, you will experience a nagging discontent, and this is a good sign. Discontent and dissatisfaction almost always precede a constructive change that forces you to change and starts you growing, once more. Living Congruently Men and women with clear values, who are living their lives consistent with their highest aspirations, are those who have a deep sense of self-confidence and well-being. The most important value you can have is the value of integrity. Integrity is the value that guarantees all the others. Having integrity means that you will not compromise on what you believe to be right, in any area. Integrity is absolutely essential if you want to capitalize on your strengths. It means, more than anything, looking at yourself honestly and making your decisions based on the fact that you are an extraordinary human being. Your feelings are very valuable clues to your choices and behaviour. Your peace of mind and personal satisfaction is perhaps the most accurate guide you will ever have to doing what is right for you. Courage Is Essential In combination with integrity, courage is the most important quality you can have if you want to be happy and successful. If integrity means being honest with yourself, then courage means having the strength of mind to follow where your heart leads you. Courage means having the ability to push aside all other considerations in order to remain true to the very best that is in you. Winston Churchill said, “Courage is rightly considered the foremost of the virtues, for upon it, all others depend.” You know by now that fear is the greatest single enemy of success and self-fulfilment. It is not that people don’t know what to do; it is usually that they are afraid to do what their hearts tell them to do. However, when you build up your courage, act by act, you gradually overcome your fears.With courage, your whole world opens up before you. Your self-confidence increases. You
Achieving Competence And Personal Mastery
Achieving Competence And Personal Mastery The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, no matter what their chosen field.—Vince Lombardi You will only be happy, satisfied, and capable of enjoying high levels of self-confidence when you know that you are absolutely excellent at doing something that is important to yourself and others. What is it? What could it be? These are two of the great questions of life. Fortunately, you and every other person has the inborn ability to become excellent at what you do, and to achieve peak performance in your life and in your chosen field. You have the capacity to function in the “exceptional” range and to achieve mastery in any area that is important to you. The Edge of the Envelope In the world of test pilots and prototype aircraft, as described in the book and the movie The Right Stuff by Tom Wolfe (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 1979), they refer continually to what is called the “envelope.” This “envelope” consists of an upper and lower edge. The upper edge marks the height and speed that any previous aircraft or jet has flown, up to the time of the most current test run. This upper edge of the “envelope” is the maximum height and speed deemed possible for a new aircraft before it theoretically comes apart in the air or malfunctions or self-destructs. The goal of the test pilot is to expand the edge of the envelope. His job is to fly ever faster and higher in order to discover the outer limits of speed, height, and endurance that a particular aircraft is capable of achieving. The test pilot continually takes the aircraft higher and faster until he feels that the plane has reached its absolute outer limits. This is where and when he pulls back to avoid destroying the aircraft, and even fatally crashing. This is called the “outer edge of the envelope” and it then becomes the “lower edge of the envelope” for the next aircraft and the next round of testing. Every aircraft, no matter how well made, has an outer limit on its capabilities. It can fly only so fast and so high, and no further. Very little can be done to expand the mechanical ability of something made of metal by the hands of man. Expand Your Envelope The major difference between you and an aircraft is that there is no “outer edge” to your personal envelope. As Emerson said, “The power which resides in man is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried.” Thomas Edison said, “If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” Maxwell Maltz, the author of “Psycho-Cybernetics,” said, “Within you right now is the power to do things you never dreamed possible. And this power becomes available to you just as soon as you can change your beliefs.” In other words, the outer limit of your envelope, or the outer limit of your potential, is not fixed in time or space, like that of an aircraft. Your limits are determined solely by your own beliefs and by your own confidence in what you think is possible for you. Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem Your self-confidence is closely connected to your self-esteem, and to “how much you like yourself.” Dr. Nathaniel Brandon calls self-esteem “your reputation with yourself.” It is how you feel about yourself and your abilities, in relation to any situation, that determines how much you like yourself and consider yourself to be a valuable and worthwhile person. The more you likeyourself, the better you do. The flip side of self-esteem is what psychologists call “self-efficacy.” Self-efficacy is a measure of how effective and competent you feel you are to perform a particular task or to achieve your goals. This is called “performance-based self-esteem.” What this means is that if your self-confidence and your belief in yourself are determined by your self-esteem or how much you like yourself, then your self-esteem is determined by how capable you feel you are in any given set of circumstances. For example, if a problem comes up at work or home and you are so familiar with it that you can solve it quickly and correctly, your self-efficacy and your self-esteem goes up. You feel more capable and confident and more willing to take on other challenges and difficulties. You feel more positive and optimistic. You feel like an excellent person. If, on the other hand, a problem or difficulty came up and you were unable to do anything to solve it, and you felt frustrated or ineffective, your self-esteem would suffer and your self-confidence would go down. You would feel negative about yourself and your abilities. You might even become angry or depressed. You would feel powerless rather than powerful. That’s why they say, in playing poker, “The winners laugh and tell jokes while the losers say, ‘shut up and deal.’ ” Build Your Own Self-Confidence The law of cause and effect applies to everything you are today and to everything that you become. If the effect that you desire is high and unshakable levels of self-confidence, then it is necessary that you engage in the same behaviours practiced by others who enjoy high and unshakable levels of self-confidence, and you will soon experience high levels of self-confidence yourself. Studies conducted on thousands of men and women who have moved from ordinary to extraordinary performance, and who have moved from feelings of inadequacy to feeling great about themselves, show that there is a direct cause-effect relationship between competence and mastery on the one hand, and self-confidence on the other. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi of the University of Chicago wrote an excellent book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (Harper Perennial Modern Classics, 2008). Peak experience is a form of “natural high” that causes you to feel absolutely terrific about yourself, and
Critical Thinking: A Tool To Solve Everyday Problems
Critical Thinking: A Tool To Solve Everyday Problems What is Critical Thinking? Before you start to look at the true meaning of critical thinking, it is helpful to first have a look at how the dictionary defines the term.“The objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment” As is apparent from the definition, the meaning of the word is pretty clear cut. It stands for the in depth analysis of a problem in order to arrive at the best possible solution in order to solve it. So it is safe to assume that critical thinking is meant to be used as a tool to solve everyday problems, regardless of their size and nature. Here is another definition, to help you understand the concept better. This definition is courtesy of The National Council for Excellence in Critical Thinking:“intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication, as a guide to belief and action” This definition goes a step further and explains, in detail, the various steps that are involved in critical thinking. It speaks of the various elements of consideration, in terms of the number of things that you must consider, before arriving at a decision. So, to put it simply, critical thinking refers to a person observing a situation, identifying the problem, analyzing it through the lens of experience and arriving at a conclusive decision to solve it rationally. It will allow the individual to arrive at clear cut solutions to tackle these everyday problems head on and to solve them. A critical thinker will have a data bank of the various problems and will only have to think a little to retrieve the data, which will help tackle problem posed by the current situation. Critical Thinking and Intelligence Critical thinking and intelligence are believed to go hand in hand. Unfortunately, that is one of the biggest misconceptions in regard to the subject. Intelligence refers to a person being extremely capable of solving difficult problems, just with maximum use of his/her brain. Critical thinking, on the other hand, refers to people critically analyzing a situation and arriving at feasible solution, which may not necessarily be prompted by intelligence. So the two thought processes can differ in many ways and are not interdependent. An intelligent person might have lots of memories, data and information stored up, which he/she can immediately access in order to arrive at a solution. A critical thinker might not have such data readily available and will have to thoroughly analyze the situation and spend a little time in thinking of a solution. Both aspects can be critical in helping a person attain an applicable solution to the problem in question and it is just the process of getting there might differ. For example, when presented with similar problems, an intelligent person might think for just a few minutes and devise a plan to tackle the problem. A critical thinker, on the other hand, might have faced a similar problem in the past and will immediately put into action a pre-set solution to the problem. ASPECTS OF CRITICAL THINKING There are many elements that are part of the critical thinking process. Each of them is explained below: ArgumentsThe most important aspect of critical thinking is coming up with feasible arguments. Arguments are nothing but premises and conclusions. Although this is seen as being the last step, it is also one of the most important. A critical thinker is required to set up arguments and draw logical conclusions from it. Analyzing argumentsOnce the various arguments are finalized, a person must identify the vague and incoherent arguments. In order to do so, the thinker must view the argument through the lens of suspicion and identify the solutions that are most vague. Safeguarding the factsThe next step for a critical thinker involves identifying all the facts and making sure that nothing has been left out. It will be important to safeguard the facts so as to avoid losing any crucial data and also not allowing it to get mixed with illogical arguments. Once all the facts have been established, the thinker can safely move to the next step. EvaluationCritical thinkers are required to analyze if the existing premises point toward conclusions. That is to say, if the premises hold any truth to them, then so should the conclusions. They need to be interdependent and, more or less, extremely similar in nature. If they are too vague, then that might cause problems during the implementation of the solution. ImplementationOnce all the solutions have been arrived at through critical evaluation, viz. evidence collection, argument formation, fact differentiation etc. they need to be applied practically. This is one of the main steps, as no problem can be solved without practical application of feasible solutions. Arguments against critical thinkingMany people argue that critical thinking will diminish a person’s creativity as he/she will always apply a pre-set or predefined solution. That will, in turn, not allow him/her to think laterally, thereby not promoting creativity. That is not true. No critical thinker will apply the pre-set solutions as is. They will have to modify it to suit the current situation. There can never be a proper and pre-set solution that will be readily available and only an outline or a skeleton will be present. It will be the thinker’s duty to fill in the muscles and the organs. There is also the argument that states how critical thinking might throw a person off course and cause him/her to complicate a situation rather than to solve it. That statement, however, is also completely false. The very concept of critical thinking is to help a person deduce the most feasible solution and not waste time with unwanted ones. The process of critical thinking will allow a person to go through all types of solutions and only implement the best one. These arguments cannot possibly diminish the value