Learning From Mistakes: How To Avoid Repeating Your Mistakes
The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing. —JOHN POWELL
Repeat Offender
Although we’d like to think we learn from our mistakes the first time around, the truth is, everyone repeats mistakes sometimes. That’s just part of being human. Mistakes can be behavioural—like showing up late for work—or they can be cognitive. Thinking errors include always assuming people don’t like you or never planning ahead. Although someone may say “Next time I won’t jump to conclusions,” they may repeat those same thinking errors if they’re not careful. Do any of
the points below sound familiar?
- You often find yourself stuck at the same point when you’re trying to reach a goal.
- When you encounter an obstacle, you don’t invest much time looking for new ways to overcome it.
- You find it hard to give up your bad habits because you keep falling back on your old ways.
- You don’t invest much time in analyzing why your attempts to reach your goals are unsuccessful.
- You get mad at yourself because you can’t get rid of some of your bad habits.
- You sometimes say things like “I’ll never do that again,” only to find yourself doing the same thing all over again.
- Sometimes it just feels like it takes too much effort to learn new ways to do things.
- You often feel frustrated by your lack of self-discipline.
- Your motivation to do things differently disappears as soon as you begin to feel uncomfortable or upset.
Did any of those points resonate with you? Sometimes we just don’t learn the first time. But there are steps we can take to avoid repeating the unhealthy mistakes that hold us back from reaching our goals.
Why We Make The Same Mistakes
If someone says “I’m never going to do that again,” why on earth would the person keep doing it over and over? The truth is, our behaviour is complicated.
For a long time, many teachers held the common belief that if a child was allowed to guess an answer incorrectly, he would be in danger of accidently memorizing the wrong answer. For example, if a child guessed that 4 + 4 = 6, he’d always recall 6 as the right answer, even after he
was corrected. To prevent this, teachers gave kids the answers first without allowing them to make an educated guess.
Fast-forward to 2012, when a research study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition showed that as long as study participants were given a chance to learn the correct information, they could learn from previous mistakes. In fact, researchers found that when kids thought about potential answers, even if those answers were incorrect, their retention rates for the correct answers improved once their mistakes were corrected. Kids, just like
adults, are able to learn from their mistakes when they’re given the opportunity.
Despite the fact that we now have a study that proves we can learn from our mistakes, it is difficult to completely unlearn what we were taught when we were younger. Growing up, you may have learned it’s better to hide your mistakes than face the consequences. And school wasn’t the only place we built our understanding of handling mistakes. Celebrities, politicians, and athletes are commonly portrayed in the media as trying to cover up their missteps. They lie and attempt to talk
their way out of admitting they did anything wrong even when there’s evidence to the contrary. And when we deny our mistakes, we are less likely to examine them and gain any true understanding or lessons from them, making us more susceptible to repeating them in the future.
We’ve all heard this line before: “I stand by my decisions . . .” This is an acknowledgment of behaviour but falls short of admitting a mistake, all because of pride.
Being stubborn is a big factor for repeat offenders too. A person who makes a poor investment may say “Well, I’ve got so much invested in this now; I might as well just keep going.” Rather than just losing a little money, he’d rather risk more because he’s too stubborn to stop. Someone
in a job she despises may say, “I’ve devoted ten years of my life to this organisation. I don’t want to walk away now.” But the only thing worse than investing ten years into something unhealthy or unproductive is investing ten years and one day.
Impulsivity is another reason people repeat mistakes. Although there’s a lot to be said for “dusting yourself off and getting right back up on the horse,” it is wiser to figure out why you fell off in the first place before you try again.
Find yourself stuck in a state of perpetually repeating mistakes? You might be getting too comfortable. A woman may enter into one bad relationship after another because it’s all she knows. She may keep dating men all within the same social circle who have similar problems because she lacks the confidence to look for a better prospect elsewhere. Similarly, a man may keep turning to alcohol when he feels stressed because he doesn’t know how to cope with problems sober. To avoid those mistakes and do something different would feel uncomfortable.
And then there are those individuals who feel so uncomfortable with success that they sabotage their own efforts. When things are going well, they may feel anxious while waiting “for the other shoe to drop.” To relieve that anxiety, they resort to their old self-destructive behaviour and repeat the same mistakes.
The Problem With Repeating Our Mistakes
Repeating the same mistakes leads to many problems, such as the following:
1. You won’t reach your goals
Whether you’re trying to lose weight for the fifth time or you’re working on quitting smoking for the tenth time, if you keep repeating the same mistakes, you won’t ever reach your goals. Instead, you’ll stay stuck at the same point and won’t be able to move forward.
2. The problem won’t get solved
It’s a vicious cycle. When you repeat a mistake, the problem perpetuates and you’re more likely to just keep doing the same thing. You’ll never be able to solve a problem until you do something differently.
3. You’ll think differently about yourself
You may begin to view yourself as incompetent or a complete failure because you can’t get past a certain obstacle.
4. You may not try as hard
If the first few attempts weren’t successful, you may be more likely to give up. When you don’t try as hard, you’re less likely to succeed.
5. You may frustrate others who watch you repeat the same mistakes
If you’re guilty of always getting yourself caught up in similar problems, your friends and family may grow tired of hearing you complain. Worse yet, if they’ve had to bail you out because you’ve repeatedly gotten yourself into problematic situations, your repeated mistakes will damage your relationships.
6. You may develop irrational beliefs to excuse your mistakes
Instead of looking at how your behaviour is interfering with your progress, you may conclude it’s just not “meant to be.” An overweight person who struggles to lose weight and keep it off may simply decide, “I’m big-boned. I wasn’t meant to be smaller.”
Study The Mistake
If you want to avoid repeating a mistake, spend some time studying it. Set any negative feelings you might have aside, acknowledge the factors that led up to your misstep, and learn from it. Look for an explanation without making an excuse. Ask yourself the following questions:
1. What went wrong?
Spend a little bit of time reflecting on your mistakes. Try to discern the facts about what happened. Maybe you overspend on your budget every month because you can’t resist shopping. Or maybe you get into the same argument with your spouse repeatedly because the issue never really resolves itself. Examine what thoughts, behaviours, and external factors contributed to the mistake.
2. What could I have done better?
As you reflect on the situation, look for things you could have done better. Maybe you didn’t stick with something long enough. For example, maybe you gave up on trying to lose weight after only two weeks. Or maybe your mistake is that you find too many excuses about why you shouldn’t exercise and as a result, you just don’t stick with an effective weight-loss routine. Give yourself an honest evaluation.
3. What can I do differently next time?
Saying you’re not going to make a mistake again and actually doing it are two very separate things. Think about what you can do differently next time to avoid making the same mistake. Identify clear strategies you can use to avoid resorting to your old behaviour.
Create A Plan
No matter what type of mistakes you’re trying to avoid, the key to success lies in developing a good plan. Developing a written plan increases the likelihood that you’ll follow through with it.
Follow these three steps to create a written plan that will help you avoid repeating your mistakes:
1. Establish behaviour that will replace previous behaviour
Instead of drinking alcohol to cope with stress, a person could identify alternative strategies, such as going for a walk or calling a friend. Decide what healthy behaviour will help you avoid repeating unhealthy behaviour.
2. Identify warning signs that you’re headed down the wrong path again
It’s important to be on the lookout for old behaviour patterns that may return. Perhaps you’ll know your spending habits are getting out of control again when you begin putting purchases on credit cards.
3. Find a way to hold yourself accountable
It’ll be more difficult to hide your mistakes or ignore them when you’re being held accountable. Talking to a trusted friend or relative who is willing to hold you accountable and point out your blunders can be helpful. You may also be able to increase the likelihood that you’ll hold yourself
accountable by keeping a journal or using a calendar to chart your progress.
Practice Self-discipline
Self-discipline isn’t something you either have or you don’t. Instead, everyone has the ability to increase their self-discipline. Saying no to a bag of chips or a couple of cookies requires self-control. As does exercising when you don’t feel like it. Avoiding those mistakes that can derail your progress requires constant vigilance and hard work.
Here are some things to keep in mind when working to increase your self-control:
1. Practice tolerating discomfort
Whether you’re feeling lonely and you’re tempted to text message that ex who isn’t good for you or you’re craving a sweet treat that will blow your diet, practice tolerating the discomfort. Although people often convince themselves if they “give in just this once” it will help, research shows
otherwise. Each time you give in you reduce your self-control.
2. Use positive self-talk
Realistic affirmations can help you resist temptation in moments of weakness. Saying things like “I can do this” or “I’m doing a great job working toward my goals” can help you stay on track.
3. Keep your goals in mind
Focusing on the importance of your goals helps decrease temptations. So if you focus on how good you’ll feel when your car is paid off, you’ll be less tempted to make that purchase that will wreak havoc on the month’s budget.
4. Impose restrictions on yourself
If you know you’re likely to spend too much money when you’re out with friends, only take a small amount of cash with you. Take steps that make it difficult, if not impossible, for you to give in when you’re faced with temptation.
5. Create a list of all the reasons why you don’t want to repeat your mistake
Carry this list with you. When you’re tempted to resort to your previous behaviour pattern, read this list to yourself. It can increase your motivation to resist repeating old patterns. For example, create a list of reasons why you should go for a walk after dinner. When you’re tempted to watch TV instead of exercise, read the list and it may increase your motivation to move forward.
Learning From Mistakes Will Make You Successful
When you view mistakes not as something negative but instead as an opportunity to improve yourself, you’ll be able to devote time and energy into making sure you don’t repeat them. In fact, successful people are often willing to share their mistakes with other people in an effort to help prevent them from making the same mistakes.
Troubleshooting And Common Traps
There are usually many different ways to solve a particular problem. If your current method hasn’t been successful, be open to trying something new. Learning from each mistake requires self-awareness and humility, but it can be one of the biggest keys to reaching your full potential.
What’s Helpful
- Acknowledging your personal responsibility for each mistake.
- Creating a written plan to prevent repeating the mistake.
- Identifying triggers and warning signs of old behaviour patterns.
- Practicing self-discipline strategies.
What’s Not Helpful
- Making excuses or refusing to examine your role in the outcome.
- Responding impulsively without thinking about alternatives.
- Putting yourself in situations where you are likely to fail.
- Assuming you can always resist temptation or deciding you’re doomed to keep repeating your mistakes.