The Power Of Happiness
As your success, income, and responsibility grows, you can’t neglect your happiness. If you are not consciously defending it, it can slip away. I’m going to share with you the 10 Happiness Habits that can make happiness the core of success (rather than success the core of happiness). Yes, you read that correctly: happiness leads to success, not the other way around. In our society, we often think that if we’ve got tons of money, are the head of a profitable company, and have a lot of fame as well as fortune, we’re going to be happy.
In fact, one of the biggest things that stops people dead in their tracks from living an actual fulfilled life is the assumption that if they find success, happiness will follow. Take your own life, for example. Have you ever thought that if you got a certain job or started your business, then happiness would result from it? Have you ever felt that once you made a certain amount of money, or once you have a wife that loves you or a husband that loves you, or once you have children, or once you lose weight, then you’ll be happy? Well, I hate to break it to you, but many people who think this way eventually find out that they’re wrong.
I would be doing you a huge disservice if I failed to let you in on this secret. And yes, you can attract next-level wealth with the right habits, but why deny yourself happiness? Wealth without fulfillment is emptiness. Let me help you achieve it all.
What if we’ve had it backward for all these years? What if happiness is the prerequisite for everything else? What if it is the prerequisite for success, abundance, prosperity, weight loss, passion, intimacy, and love? What if most of us don’t really know how to be happy, but instead we think we’ll figure it out once we get somewhere? Think of what we tell ourselves: “All I need
is to get my business up and running, and I’ll be happy.” Or: “As soon as I buy that dream house, I’ll be satisfied.”
You see, most of us let our desire for external things guide us. We think once we have that new house or that new job, then we’ll be happy. But guess what? The excitement of external things fades. Have you ever thought, once I get a raise or to that next level of income, that is when the fun begins? Then it happens, and you spend accordingly, get some new stuff, upgrade your house, and think, I’m making more money so now I’m happy! But then a few months pass, and the additional income and what you bought no longer satisfies you.
As much as I am an advocate for growing your wealth and your success through the right habits, no amount of money will make you happy unless you find internal satisfaction. But combine that with more money, and it’s time for next-level and real fulfillment.
The outside world can only give you temporary happiness. We all want that next level of income, the ideal weight, perfect health, a great lifestyle, more money, true love, intimacy, and passion. Trust me, I get the desires that exist and the accompanying perks. But all that goes away unless we learn how to be happy on the inside. And here’s the crazy part: If we find happiness on the inside—not an easy task—then suddenly all of those other things we want are more obtainable. When you learn to create happiness internally, those things become a by-product of the happiness you’re creating, which is the opposite of what most people think. Most people believe success, money,fast cars, and jewellery come first and then happiness will materialize. That is completely false, and the source of so many people walking around depressed.
So let’s look at happiness and what I’ve learned about it. I’ve created a list of 10 specific habits and thought processes that I think are the fastest and quickest way to happiness. In this article, I just want to give you the recipes, ingredients, and instructions that will get you to your definition of success the fastest.
1. DEFINE WHAT HAPPINESS LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE TO YOU
Imagine that we’re sitting in a restaurant right now and I ask you this question: “From the deepest part of you, what makes you happy?” Would you have an answer? Do you know what it would be? I believe that’s a hard question for all of us. And I think it is a difficult question because so many times we try and compare our definition of happiness to others. Just because someone else’s definition of happiness is an expensive car and a mansion, doesn’t mean it has to be your definition! Honestly, if you were to ask me that question just five years ago, I probably would have fumbled to come up with an answer. Back then I don’t think I was crystal clear on what happiness truly meant to me. It would be easy to say, “Being with my kids,” and even though that is true, that was a default and not a truly thought-out answer. But I want you to get crystal clear on what makes you truly happy!
Take the time right now and think through or start writing down ideas about what makes your heart smile, your eyes brighter, and causes you to be alive with joy. What truly makes you happy? Come on, do this. Don’t default to a few answers that have become your reflexive response. Think back to when you were a kid, or earlier in your life. When did you feel at peace? What lit you up? What made you smile? Is it spending time in nature with your kids playing games and breathing fresh air? Is it going to a sporting event or going for a roadtrip? Do you like being by the ocean and feeling the sand between your toes? I personally love being in nature—I relish big trees and a mountain stream. When I’m around nature, I’m truly happy. If I were to take an entire day and go out into the wilderness with big trees and a beautiful clear-running stream, that would provide me with an inexplicable sense of happiness.
When I’m with my kids and when I feel like I’m guiding them through life the right way, that too fosters happiness. When I’m inspiring people to become their very best (like now, I hope), and when I’m teaching on stage and on my blog—all these things give me a deep level of happiness.
So what’s on your list?
More specifically, what’s on your list today? If I were to have created this list 5 or 10 years ago, my answers would have been different. Some were materialistic, and some were embarrassing. So make sure you’re thinking about your present happiness.
Also, don’t confuse happiness with goals. I still have materialistic goals, financial goals, and achievement goals. I’m not stopping my evolution. But I know the difference between goals and what makes me happy. I want to make sure you do too.
The search for happiness starts by thinking through and defining the term as it applies to your current life. So try this: write down things without overthinking them. Don’t limit your list tothings you do, but also include the thoughts that make you happy, blessings that you can be grateful for, and activities that bring you joy. Write, write, and write some more! Then look back at your list and circle three to five items that you feel strongly about, and those are typically your top ones.
2. MAKE THE PRESENT YOUR FRIEND
And no, I don’t mean the present underneath the tree at Christmas time. I’m talking about the present day, the right now, this very moment you are living in. You have to make it your friend. So many of us go through life looking forward to tomorrow, to next week, to next year, instead of making friends with the right now. We think to ourselves, “When I get this promotion, when I start my own business, when my business is profitable, when my wife truly understands me or my husband just gets me, when my kids are out of diapers, when they go off to college, when I lose weight—then and only then I’ll be happy!” That kind of thinking is just an excuse for pushing happiness off to some vague time in the future. But when we do that, guess what? It may never get here. That is why we have to live in the now. Why not decide to be happy now?
When you say the words “when/then” too many times—as in, “When I get that promotion, then I can finally relax and feel great about my life”—all you’re doing is putting your happiness on hold until tomorrow because you’re mentally living in a time other than right now. How many of us are waiting to be happy until that one certain thing happens? What if we threw away that mind-set and just made today our friend? What if today was an incredible day? What if we no longer lived in the past or the future but rather decided to be happy right this second? What if we started doing more of the things that make us happy and focused on more of the thoughts that bring us joy,
today? Right this moment! You can decide to do this; it’s your choice.
How many times do you get stuck thinking about what could go wrong in the future? How many times have you thought, “When I do this, then this might happen next month or next year”? Then what happens? You get on this slope of negative thinking and you just go in a downward spiral of thinking what could possibly go wrong someday. You’re predicting the future; and not only that, you’re predicting a negative future! The truth is, you don’t know where the future is going and how things are ultimately going to end up. Of course living too far in the future with the wrong thoughts diminishes your happiness today.
Choose the present and choose it now! Realize that each day happens for a reason and that each moment must be seized with a present mind-set. As simple as this advice sounds, consider the implications: What if you appreciated being alive and healthy and all the opportunities you have
at this very moment?
When you can let the past melt away, you can stop focusing on a fictional future and learn to live in the moment—that’s where gratitude and happiness begin. As Eckhart Tolle wrote in his fabulous book, The Power of Now, when you live in the “now,” you will finally find inner peace and happiness. So no more delayed gratification! You have the right to be happy today.
3. STOP OVERTHINKING
Have you ever heard the saying “paralysis caused by over-analysis”? What stops us in our tracks from living the life we desire is simply overthinking. I’ve witnessed this repeatedly in so manydifferent circumstances, especially starting or going to the next level in business and wealth. What ends up happening is that we overthink, overanalyse, and find ourselves stuck. It doesn’t matter what your goal is, you can overthink it to death. Don’t overthink things, because you’ll never do anything.
I’ve seen single people who desperately want a romantic relationship overthink themselves right out of that relationship. “Should I become involved with her? Well, I could try, but then she could end up straying. She could end up breaking my heart. Do we have the same religious beliefs or
spiritual beliefs? If not, then that could really cause problems. You know what? It’s better if I don’t get involved.”
You’ve given up without giving it a shot! What if that person was the person you were meant to be with and you ignored the chance because of overthinking?
So obtain the knowledge you need to build confidence, but then don’t get bogged down in endless questions, second thoughts, and circular analysis. If your heart is telling you to act, if your
subconscious is telling you to go for it, stop overthinking and start taking action.
4. FOCUS ON A POSITIVE OUTCOME
This is a powerful way to bring happiness into your life and get what you want in advance. And I know it sounds simple, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say, “Oh, Munene, you’re too optimistic.” Am I too optimistic or do I just understand how powerful our subconscious is? Listen, your energy is going to go in any direction you aim it; you get to choose if it is spent on the positive or the negative.
I know so many people who focus on what could go wrong in life rather than what could go right. One day they may feel a little run-down, and they conjure worst-case scenarios: “What if this is really me getting sick? What if it’s COVID-19; I never got a COVID shot? What if I have an illness that could kill me? I don’t have health insurance—man, I am in trouble!” Guess what? People like this will talk themselves right into getting sick! Why not put all the energy into focusing on a positive outcome and perfect health and more wealth, happiness, and abundance? Concentrate on thoughts of good health and a long life.
Consider the results of studies about driving on long roads where there is only one tree: Most, if not all, of the accidents on these roads involve someone running into that one tree. Because people may be rushing through traffic or lose control of the wheel and think to themselves, “I don’t want
to hit that tree. I don’t want to hit that tree. I don’t want to hit that tree.” And what do they do?
They hit the tree.
The world has programmed us to think a certain way about situations we face. When something comes up, our minds immediately want to go to, “Oh no, this isn’t good! What if this happens or what if this happens or, oh gosh, what if, what if.” The antidote: become a keen observer of your thoughts. It’s worked for me. And now, when what-if thoughts try and sneak into my mind I say, “No, no, no. I’m not going to let my mind go there.” Yes, I could focus on the negative and be stressed and worried about what could happen, but I decided years ago that I was no longer goingto do that. You can focus on what might go wrong or you can focus on what might go right. Why not invest your energy in what can go right?
I used to focus on the wrong outcomes, and this story from my personal hell illustrates the dangers of this focus. For years, I woke up at 2:00 in the morning because my mind was racing with thoughts. I’d wake up and I’d start thinking about all the things going on that day, and I’d think about what could go wrong, and I’d try to find solutions to them before the problems even were reality! Half the time I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep because I would get obsessed about these imaginary bad outcomes and become stressed. Then one day, I said to myself, “No more! I’m going to start tricking my mind and my subconscious by changing those negative thoughts I
have when I wake up. From now on, I’m only going to focus on a positive outcome to these situations rather than creating negative outcomes in my mind.” And what happened? I was able to visualize success and happiness and finally started getting my much-needed sleep. It took some time to make the transition from negative to positive outcomes, but when I replaced that
disempowering habit with the empowering habit, it eventually stuck.
God gave each of us greatness inside us, and we can’t share it and use it if we are not at peace. Do what you must, protect your peace, and show the world what you are made of. Don’t let the naysayers in any area of your life bring you down. Switch it up and try to find how to give it a new meaning. “Protect your peace of mind” are words I often use, and so should you. In so many cases suffering is a choice. Therefore, do what you must, create new habits, and avoid suffering whenever possible. You are amazing; let the world see this incredible part of you every day.
5. LET GO OF SPECIFIC OUTCOMES
This is a game-changer. It’s not easy, but it’s very effective. Too often, we predict what different outcomes should be, and we get hung up on our predictions. “If I put this money into this deal, and I partner with this person, we should make x amount of money, and here’s exactly how it will
look.” Then if it doesn’t turn out like that, happiness goes away. You think to yourself, “That’s not what I wanted! That’s not what I predicted! This isn’t right!” Sometimes you order steak, and the server brings you chicken, and all of a sudden, you’re angry. “This is not what I wanted! I can’t believe they did this!”
Here’s how we make the same mistake in relationships: “We’re going to be married next year, and we’re going to honeymoon in Zanzibar, and this is the way it’s going to be.” And when it doesn’t turn out that way, we immediately get angry or our joy in the relationship diminishes.
Remember what Tony Robbins said: “What if life happens for us, not to us?” Imagine you’re paddling downstream in a canoe, and all of a sudden, the current takes you off course. You could resist it and say, “I have to paddle upstream against this strong current and get back on the track I expected.” But wouldn’t that take a tremendous amount of effort? What if when our course is altered, instead of being angry, we said, “What if this little change in direction is a strategic part of my next level of life? Maybe this is happening for me and not to me. Maybe I should just ride the current out and see where it goes.”
Many times when an entrepreneur starts a business, the original idea doesn’t work. So then the entrepreneur changes course and finds success in a totally unexpected direction. For example, that’s how Twitter (now X) was born, almost by accident. Twitter was originally started by its cofounders to be a podcast company where you could call a number and create a podcast. It wasn’t even called Twitter. Then, iTunes announced that it was going to make podcasting available on all major Apple devices, and suddenly Odeo (the parent company of Twitter) was over! They had brainstorm meeting after brainstorm meeting to think of a new direction for the company and
eventually came across the idea we all now know as X! And that success would never have happened if the entrepreneurs had given up because their original concept didn’t pan out.
When you’re fixated on “riding the current” to one specific outcome, you become unhappy when things don’t work out. When you’re mired in unhappiness, you’re never going to be successful. Instead, you lose confidence and walk around depressed. After I learned this lesson, it changed everything in my life. If I start a business and it starts to go in a direction I didn’t expect, I just ride the current! Maybe this is the direction that will lead me to success! When you let go of a very specific outcome, the heavy weight of expectation comes off your shoulders. You will become a different person immediately, and your happiness will skyrocket.
6. DON’T BE AFRAID TO FAIL
We were raised to think that failure is bad. But truthfully, failure is the cornerstone of success. I saw a quote by Winston Churchill, and it read, “The definition of success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.” When was the last time you embraced failure in your life?
Usually if you’re not failing, that means you’re not pushing yourself hard enough, and you’re not trying new things. It means you’re stuck in a rut and you’re just going with the flow or you’re not straying from your well-worn routine. But here’s the thing: you’ll never achieve your goals on autopilot.
So I say fail often and change the meaning of failure that is in your mind. I want you to be able to say proudly, “I failed today; I tried something new.” I ask my kids all the time, “Did you fail today?” When they say no, I respond, “Well, you didn’t step out of the box or you didn’t try anything new.” I’m trying to reprogram their perception of failure, to help them perceive it as a
prerequisite for success.
When you embrace failure, you will no longer feel sad when something doesn’t go as planned. I’ve asked many people what’s holding them back from getting started on their dreams. Fear of failure is a common answer. But what if you just got rid of that fearful attitude? When that happens, you replace your fear with an acceptance of changes in your life. Wayne Gretzky said it best, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.” Embrace failure as a necessary part of success, and aim to do it daily.
7. LET GO OF GRUDGES
Another way of stating this habit is: Try not to take things personally. I know this is a tough one. But when you hold a grudge, you are holding that inside you at the expense of your happiness, health, and success. Have you ever held a grudge against a parent, partner, boss, colleague orrelative, or somebody who did something horrible to you, and you obsess about it all the time?
Just so you know, that grudge isn’t affecting the offending party. As much as you boil and stew, your grudge-filled thoughts don’t harm a hair on anyone’s head. They do hurt you and your future success. You have to let go of all grudges, which I know is easier said than done.
But letting those grudges go, your happiness will rise to a new level. Letting go of past grudges is one of the most liberating things you can ever do, and I urge you to take a look at your life and find the grudges you can release. If you do, you’ll free yourself to be the best you possible.
8. BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT’S IN FRONT OF YOU
We all know that being grateful is the cornerstone of happiness. It’s one of those things that you have to be consciously aware of daily. You could be struggling, need money, have debt or overdue bills, or be going through a divorce, but there’s always the opportunity to find gratitude for things in our lives.
I know life can be like a kick in the teeth sometimes. But gratitude can overcome anything, and the best way to find it is to start by focusing on small things of which you’re appreciative. You can be grateful for a smile from a stranger, a hug from your child, or a look from your spouse. Be
grateful for living in a place where you can define yourself as you choose, where you enjoy the freedom to become your best self. Be grateful for the blue sky or the white clouds or the flowers or the green grass. Be grateful for your heart beating and never having to think about it.
Again, success without fulfillment and happiness is a massive failure. So I encourage you to spend today finding gratitude in the small things and let your gratitude grow from there. When you can train yourself to be grateful for a simple lunch or for a hug, then these little things add up, and you
become more meaningfully grateful daily.
9. DON’T SETTLE FOR “GOOD ENOUGH”
Don’t settle for things being just okay. This acceptance will take away your happiness in a flash. Don’t say things like, “My relationship is good enough.” Instead say, “My relationship might not be perfect, but I’m going to work hard at making it better.” Strive for greatness in every part of your life. When you settle for just okay, whether it relates to income or a job or a relationship, you lose out on much of the joy life has to offer.
Say no to just being okay. Get that terminology out of your life, because subconsciously, that means you’re telling yourself, “You’re not good enough. You don’t deserve better. Other people get to be happy and get to live life abundantly, but you don’t. It’s good enough for you just where you are.” Stop telling yourself things are okay, because you’re subconsciously ruining your
chances for happiness and for the joy and fulfillment that lie beyond.
You don’t have to say, “My life is perfect right now.” You could just be honest and say, “It is okay today, but I’m going for more.” And I know you are going for more, so keep going! Just okay is not good enough, not for my students and not for anyone reading this article. There is that next level of life, and it’s your turn to grab it.
10. BE PART OF SOMETHING BIGGER
This is about seeking a spiritual connection or developing a relationship with God or any higher power. You must allow yourself to be a part of something bigger than you are that lifts you to the next level of faith. Explore whatever type of spirituality fits your beliefs and traditions. It could be general spirituality, or other organized religions, or your personal relationship with God. When you attach yourself to something bigger than yourself, your happiness is amplified.
Make all the money you desire—but I also implore you to take this article seriously and make happiness the foundation of your life. It will make success come easier and faster in any area where you choose to apply these 10 Happiness Habits. Commit these habits to memory and to heart. I suggest that you implement each of the 10 habits gradually over the coming months. Maybe focus on one each week for the next 10 weeks. Now go smile!