Overcoming Obstacles To Personal Growth: Grasp The Positive Benefits Of Negative Experiences
OVERCOMING OBSTACLES TO PERSONAL GROWTH: GRASP THE POSITIVE BENEFITS OF NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES Working artists David Bayles and Ted Orland tell a story about an art teacher who did an experiment with his grading system for two groups of students. It is a parable on the benefits of failure. Here is what happened: The ceramics teacher announced on opening day that he was dividing the class into two groups. All those on the left side of the studio, he said, would be graded solely on the quantity of work they produced, all those on the right solely on its quality. His procedure was simple: on the final day of class he would bring in some scales and weigh the work of the “quantity” group: fifty kilogrammes of pots rated an “A,” forty kilogrammes “B,” and so on. Those being graded on “quality,” however, needed to produce only one pot—albeit a perfect one—to get an “A.” Well, came grading time and a curious fact emerged: the works of the highest quality were all produced by the group being graded for quantity. It seems that while the “quantity” group was busily churning out piles of work—and learning from their mistakes—the “quality” group had sat theorizing about perfection, and in the end had little more to show for their efforts than grandiose theories and a pile of dead clay. It doesn’t matter whether your objectives are in the area of art, business, ministry, sports, or relationships. The only way you can get ahead is to fail early, fail often, and fail forward. TAKE THE JOURNEY Many people are taught on leadership at numerous conferences every year. And one of my deepest concerns is always that some people will go home from the event and nothing will change in their lives. They enjoy the “show” but fail to implement any of the ideas presented to them. I tell people continually: We overestimate the event and underestimate the process. Every fulfilled dream occurred because of dedication to a process. (That’s one of the reasons I write articles and post them on my blog—so that people can engage in the ongoing process of growth.) People naturally tend toward inertia. That’s why personal growth is such a struggle. But that’s also why adversity lies at the heart of every success. The process of achievement comes through repeated failures and the constant struggle to climb to a higher level. Most people will grudgingly concede that they must make it through some adversity in order to succeed. They’ll acknowledge that they have to experience the occasional setback to make progress. But I believe that success comes only if you take that thought one step farther. To achieve your dreams, you must embrace adversity and make failure a regular part of your life. If you’re not failing, you’re probably not really moving forward. THE BENEFITS OF ADVERSITY Psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers asserts, “The person interested in success has to learn to view failure as a healthy, inevitable part of the process of getting to the top.” Adversity and the failure that often results from it should be expected in the process of succeeding, and they should be viewed as absolutely critical parts of it. In fact, the benefits of adversity are many. Consider these reasons to embrace adversity and persevere through it: Adversity Creates Resilience Nothing in life breeds resilience like adversity and failure. A study in Time magazine in the mid-1980s described the incredible resilience of a group of people who had lost their jobs three times because of plant closings. Psychologists expected them to be discouraged, but they were surprisingly optimistic. Their adversity had actually created an advantage. Because they had already lost a job and found a new one at least twice, they were better able to handle adversity than people who had worked for only one company and found themselves unemployed. Adversity Develops Maturity Adversity can make you better if you don’t let it make you bitter. Why? Because it promotes wisdom and maturity. American playwright William Saroyan spoke to this issue: “Good people are good because they’ve come to wisdom through failure. We get very little wisdom from success, you know.” As the world continues to change at a faster and faster rate, maturity with flexibility becomes increasingly important. These qualities come from weathering difficulties. Harvard business school professor John Kotter says, “I can imagine a group of executives 20 years ago discussing a candidate for a top job and saying, ‘This guy had a big failure when he was 32.’ Everyone else would say, ‘Yep, yep, that’s a bad sign.’ I can imagine that same group considering a candidate today and saying, ‘What worries me about this guy is that he’s never failed.” The problems we face and overcome prepare our hearts for future difficulties. Adversity Pushes The Envelope Of Accepted Performance Lloyd Ogilvie told of a friend who was a circus performer in his youth. The fellow described learning to work on the trapeze: Once you know that the net below will catch you, you stop worrying about falling. You actually learn to fall successfully! What that means is, you can concentrate on catching the trapeze swinging toward you, and not on falling, because repeated falls in the past have convinced you that the net is strong and reliable when you do fall . . . The result of falling and being caught by the net is a mysterious confidence and daring on the trapeze. You fall less. Each fall makes you able to risk more. Until a person learns from experience that he can live through adversity, he is reluctant to buck mindless tradition, push the envelope of organizational performance, or challenge himself to press his physical limits. Failure prompts a person to rethink the status quo. Adversity Provides Greater Opportunities I believe that eliminating problems limits our potential. Just about every successful entrepreneur I’ve met has numerous stories of adversity and setbacks that opened doors to greater opportunity. Adversity Prompts Innovation
Areas Where You Need To Focus Your Time And Energy To Reach Your Potential
AREAS WHERE YOU NEED TO FOCUS YOUR TIME AND ENERGY TO REACH YOUR POTENTIAL To reach your potential, get in your strength zone. SEARCHING FOR STRENGTHS If you are a young leader and you are still uncertain about where your strengths lie, don’t get discouraged. Try to be patient and keep working hard. If you persevere you will figure it out. Here’s what I know: no matter if you’re just starting out or if you are at the peak of your career, the more you work in your strength zone, the more successful you will be. DEFINING PERSONAL SUCCESS I’ve heard many definitions of success from many people over the years. In fact, I’ve embraced different definitions myself at different stages of my life. I have zeroed in on a definition that I think captures success no matter who people are or what they want to do. I believe success is: Knowing your purpose in life, Growing to your maximum potential and Sowing seeds that benefit others. If you are able to do those three things, you are successful. However, none of them is possible unless you find and stay in your strength zone. You don’t become an effective leader by default. You must be intentional. And you must work from your strengths. Whenever I mentor people and help them discover their purpose, I always encourage them to start the process by discovering their strengths, not exploring their shortcomings. Why? Because people’s purpose in life is always connected to their giftedness. It always works that way. You are not called to do something that you have no talent for. You will discover your purpose by finding and remaining in your strength zone. Similarly, you cannot grow to your maximum potential if you continually work outside of your strength zone. Personal development and growth is always related to ability. The greater your natural ability, the greater your potential for growth. I’ve known people who thought that reaching their potential would come from shoring up their weaknesses. But do you know what happens when you spend all your time working on your weaknesses and never developing your strengths? If you work really hard, you might claw your way all the way up to mediocrity! But you’ll never get beyond it. The final piece of the puzzle—living a life that benefits others—always depends upon us giving our best, not our worst. You can’t change the world by giving only leftovers or by performing with mediocrity. Only your best will add value to others and lift them up. FINDING YOUR OWN STRENGTH ZONE British poet and lexicographer Samuel Johnson said, “Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess.” If you have an image in your mind of what talents people are supposed to have, yet you do not possess them, then you will have a difficult time finding your true strengths. You need to discover and develop who you are. Here are a few suggestions to help you: Ask, “What Am I Doing Well?” People who reach their potential spend less time asking, “What am I doing right?” and more time asking, “What am I doing well?” The first is a moral question; the second is a talent question. You should always strive to do what’s right. But doing what’s right doesn’t tell you anything about your talent. Get Specific When we consider our strengths, we tend to think too broadly. Peter Drucker, the father of modern management, wrote, “The great mystery isn’t that people do things badly but that they occasionally do a few things well. The only thing that is universal is incompetence. Strength is always specific! Nobody ever commented, for example, that the great violinist Jascha Heifetz probably couldn’t play the trumpet well.” The more specific you can get about your strengths, the better the chance you can find your “sweet spot.” Why be on the fringes of your strength zone when you have a chance to be right in the centre? Listen For What Others Praise Many times we take our talents for granted. We think because we can do something well, anyone can. Often that’s not true. How can you tell when you’re overlooking a skill or talent? Listen to what others say. Your strengths will capture the attention of others and draw them to you. On the other hand, when you’re working in areas of weakness, few people will show interest. If others are continually praising you in a particular area, start developing it. Check Out The Competition You don’t want to spend all your time comparing yourself to others; that’s not healthy. But you don’t want to waste your time doing something that others do much better. If you don’t have a competitive advantage, don’t compete. People don’t pay for average. If you don’t have the talent to do something better than the competition, place your focus elsewhere. To get a better picture of where you stand in relationship to the competition, you need to ask yourself the following questions: Are others doing what I am doing? Are they doing it well? Are they doing it better than I am? Can I become better than they are? If I do become better, what will be the result? If I don’t become better, what will be the result? The answer to the last question is: you lose. Why? Because your competition is working in their strength zone and you aren’t! The point of asking yourself these questions is not for you to try to be like others. It’s to help you see where you are different from others. Discover your uniqueness, then discipline yourself to develop it. TO BE A SUCCESSFUL LEADER, FIND AND DEVELOP THE STRENGTH ZONES OF YOUR PEOPLE Whenever you see people who are successful in their work, you can rest assured that they are working in their strength zone. But that’s not enough if you want to be successful as a leader. Good
The Role Other People And Mentors Play In Your Growth Journey
THE ROLE OTHER PEOPLE AND MENTORS PLAY IN YOUR GROWTH JOURNEY What kind of attitude do you have when it comes to learning from others? All people fall into one of the categories described by the following statements: No One Can Teach Me Anything—Arrogant Attitude I think we sometimes assume that ignorance is the greatest enemy of teachability. However, that really has little to do with teachability. Haven’t you known some highly educated and highly successful people who do not want to hear the suggestions or opinions of anyone else? Some people think they know it all! A person who creates a large, successful organization may think he can’t learn from people who run a smaller one. A person who receives a doctorate can become unreceptive to instruction from anyone else because she is now considered an expert. Another person who is the most experienced in a company or department may not listen to the ideas of someone younger. Such people don’t realize how much they are hurting themselves. The reality is that no one is too old, too smart, or too successful to learn something new. The only thing that can come between a person and the ability to learn and improve is a bad attitude. Someone Can Teach Me Everything—Naive Attitude People who realize that they have room to grow often seek a mentor. That’s usually a good thing. However, it’s naive for individuals to think they can learn everything they need to know from just one person. People don’t need a mentor—they need many mentors. I’ve learned so much from so many people. Everyone Can Teach Me Something—Teachable Attitude The people who learn the most aren’t necessarily the ones who spend time with the smartest people. They are the ones with a teachable attitude. Every person has something to share—a lesson learned, an observation, a life experience. We just need to be willing to listen. In fact, often people teach us things when they don’t intend to do so. Ask any parents and you will find out that they learned things from their children—even when their kids were infants incapable of communicating a single word. The only time people can’t teach us things is when we are unwilling to learn. I’m not saying that every person you meet will teach you something. All I’m saying is that people have the potential to do so—if you’ll let them. HOW TO LEARN FROM OTHERS If you have a teachable attitude—or you are willing to adopt one—you will be positioned well to learn from others. Then all you will need to do is take the following five steps: Make Learning Your Passion Management expert Philip B. Crosby noted: There is a theory of human behaviour that says people subconsciously retard their own intellectual growth. They come to rely on clichés and habits. Once they reach the age of their own personal comfort with the world, they stop learning and their mind runs on idle for the rest of their days. They may progress organizationally, they may be ambitious and eager, and they may even work night and day. But they learn no more. That’s sometimes the problem with people who received the positions they dreamed of or reached the goals they set for their organizations or earned the degrees they strived for. In their minds, they have reached their destinations. They get comfortable. If you desire to keep growing, you cannot sit back in a comfort zone. You need to make learning your goal. Do that and you will never run out of mental energy, and your motivation will be strong. And don’t worry about having people to teach you. Greek philosopher Plato said, “When the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear.” Value People Years ago, when I was younger and inexperienced, I thought only older, more successful people could teach me anything. I placed very little value on other people. And that was a wrong attitude. Later in life, after I created and started pursuing my plan for personal growth, I came to realize that people don’t learn from people they don’t value. Now I have changed my thinking moving forward. Develop Relationships With Growth Potential It’s true that everyone has something to teach us, but that doesn’t mean anyone can teach us everything we want to learn. We need to find people who are especially likely to help us grow—experts in our field, creative thinkers who will stretch us mentally, achievers who will inspire us to go to the next level. Learning is often the reward for spending time with remarkable people. Who they are and what they know rub off. As Donald Clifton and Paula Nelson, authors of Soar with Your Strengths observe, “Relationships help us define who we are and what we become.” Identify People’s Uniqueness And Strengths Philosopher-poet Ralph Waldo Emerson remarked, “I have never met a man who was not my superior in some particular.” People grow best in their areas of strength—and can learn the most from another person’s area of strength. For that reason, you can’t be indiscriminate in choosing the people you seek out to teach you. Ask Questions Anytime I’m exposed to something new I try to learn about it. And the best way to learn is to watch and ask questions. Writer Johann Wolfgang von Goethe believed that “one ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.” I would add that one ought to also ask questions to learn something new each day. The person who asks the right questions learns the most. CHOOSE A MENTOR TO HELP YOU GROW You must have the right attitude toward others in order to grow. But if you really want to maximize your progress, you need to take another step. You need to find a mentor who can model what you want to learn and help you grow. At
Maintaining A Teachable Attitude: Lessons For A Life Of Success
MAINTAINING A TEACHABLE ATTITUDE: LESSONS FOR A LIFE OF SUCCESS It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts. If you are a highly talented person, you may have a tough time with teachability. Why? Because talented people often think they know it all. And that makes it difficult for them to continually expand their talent. Teachability is not so much about competence and mental capacity as it is about attitude. It is the desire to listen, learn, and apply. It is the hunger to discover and grow. It is the willingness to learn, unlearn, and relearn. When I teach and mentor people, I remind them that if they stop learning, they stop growing. But if they remain teachable and keep learning, they will be able to keep making an impact where they are. Whatever your talent happens to be—whether it’s leadership, craftsmanship, entrepreneurship, or something else—you will expand it if you keep expecting and striving to learn. Talented individuals with teachable attitudes become talent-plus people. TEACHABILITY TRUTHS To make the most of your talent and remain teachable, consider the following truths about teaching: Nothing Is Interesting If You Are Not Interested It’s a shame when people allow themselves to get in a rut and never climb out. They often miss the best that life has to offer. In contrast, teachable people are fully engaged in life. They get excited about things. They are interested in discovery, discussion, application, and growth. There is a definite relationship between passion and potential. German philosopher Goethe advised, “Never let a day pass without looking at some perfect work of art, hearing some great piece of music and reading, in part, some great book.” The more engaged you are, the more interesting life will be. The more interested you are in exploring and learning, the greater your potential for growth. Successful People View Learning Differently From Those Who Are Unsuccessful After a few years of teaching and training people, I’ve come to realize that successful people think differently from unsuccessful ones. That doesn’t mean that unsuccessful people are unable to think the way successful people do. Those successful thinking patterns pertain to learning as well. Teachable people are always open to new ideas and are willing to learn from anyone who has something to offer. American journalist Sydney J. Harris wrote, “A winner knows how much he still has to learn, even when he is considered an expert by others. A loser wants to be considered an expert by others, before he has learned enough to know how little he knows.” It’s all a matter of attitude. Learning Is Meant To Be A Lifelong Pursuit It’s said that the Roman scholar Cato started to study Greek when he was more than eighty years old. When asked why he was tackling such a difficult task at his age, he replied, “It is the earliest age I have left.” Unlike Cato, too many people regard learning as an event instead of a process. Someone told me that only one-third of all adults read an entire book after their last graduation. Why would that be? Because they view education as a period of life, not a way of life! Learning is an activity that is not restricted by age. It doesn’t matter if you’re past eighty, like Cato, or haven’t yet entered your teens. Author Julio Melara was only eleven years old when he began to acquire major life lessons that he has been able to carry with him into adulthood and to teach others. Here are some of the things he’s learned, taken from his book, It Only Takes Everything You’ve Got!: Lessons for a Life of Success. “Here is a list of all the jobs you will not find on my résumé but lessons that have lasted a lifetime: Started cutting grass for profit at age 11. Lesson learned: It is important to give things a clean, professional look. Stock clerk at a local food store. Lesson learned: Making sure that if I am going to sell something, the merchandise needs to be in stock. Dishwasher at local restaurant. Lesson learned: Somebody always has to do the job no one else wants to do. Also, most people have a lot of food on their plates. (They do not finish what they start.) A janitor at an office building. Lesson learned: The importance of cleanliness as it’s related to image. Fry and prep cook at a steak house. Lesson learned: The importance of preparation and the impact of the right presentation. Construction helping hand. (lug wood and supplies from one place to another) Lesson learned: I do not want to do this for the rest of my life. Sold newspaper subscription for daily paper. Lesson learned: The job of rejection—had to knock on at least thirty doors before I ever sold one subscription. Shipping clerk at a plumbing supply house. Lesson learned: Delivering your project or service on time is just as important as selling it. Breakfast cook at a twenty-four-hour restaurant stop. Lesson learned: How to do fifteen things at once. Also learned about the weird things people like to eat on their eggs. Cleaned cars at detailing shop. Lesson learned: The importance of details (washing vs. detailing). You can pay $15 just to wash the outside of the car or $150 to clean the car inside and out and cover all the details. Details are a pain, but details are valuable. Shoe salesman at a retail store. Lesson learned: To sell customers what they want and like. Also, learned to compliment people and be sincere. Busboy at a local diner. Lesson learned: People enjoy being served with a smile and they love a clean table.” Every stage of life presents lessons to be learned. We can choose to be teachable and continue to learn them, or we can be closed-minded and stop growing. The decision is ours. Pride Is The Number One Hindrance To Teachability Author, trainer, and speaker Dave
How To Grow In Your Career: Be Better Tomorrow Than You Are Today
HOW TO GROW IN YOUR CAREER: BE BETTER TOMORROW THAN YOU ARE TODAY I’ve met a lot of people who have destination disease. They think that they have “arrived” by obtaining a specific position or getting to a certain level in an organization. When they get to that desired place, they stop striving to grow or improve. What a waste of potential! There’s certainly nothing wrong with the desire to progress in your career, but never try to “arrive.” Instead, intend your journey to be open-ended. Most people have no idea how far they can go in life. They aim way too low. I know I did when I first started out, but my life began changing when I stopped setting goals for where I wanted to be and started setting the course for who I wanted to be. I have discovered for others and me that the key to personal growth is being more growth oriented than goal oriented. There is no downside to making growth your goal. If you keep learning, you will be better tomorrow than you are today, and that can do so many things for you. THE BETTER YOU ARE, THE MORE PEOPLE LISTEN If you had an interest in cooking, with whom would you rather spend an hour—think of a big name in hotel and hospitality industry (chef, cookbook author, owner of several restaurants, and host of food TV shows) or your neighbour who loves to cook and actually does it “every once in a while”? Or if you were a leadership student, as I am, would you rather spend that hour with the president of your country or with the person who runs the local supermarket? It’s no contest. Why? Because you respect most and can learn best from the person with great competence and experience. Competence is a key to credibility, and credibility is the key to influencing others. If people respect you, they will listen to you. U.S President Abraham Lincoln said, “I don’t think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday.” By focusing on growth, you become wiser each day. THE BETTER YOU ARE, THE GREATER YOUR VALUE TODAY If you were to plant fruit and nut trees in your farm, when could you expect to start harvesting from them? Would you be surprised to learn that you had to wait years—three to seven years for fruit, five to fifteen years for nuts? If you want a tree to produce, first you have to let it grow. The more the tree has grown and has created strong roots that can sustain it, the more it can produce. The more it can produce, the greater its value. People are not all that different. The more they grow, the more valuable they are because they can produce more. In fact, it’s said that a tree keeps growing as long as it is living. I would love to live in such a way that the same could be said for me—“he kept growing until the day he died.” I love this quote from Elbert Hubbard: “If what you did yesterday still looks big to you, you haven’t done much today.” If you look back at past accomplishments, and they don’t look small to you now, then you haven’t grown very much since you completed them. If you look back at a job you did years ago, and you don’t think you could do it better now, then you’re not improving in that area of your life. If you are not continually growing, then it is probably damaging your leadership ability. Warren Bennis and Bert Nanus, authors of Leaders: The Strategies for Taking Charge, said, “It is the capacity to develop and improve their skills that distinguishes leaders from followers.” If you’re not moving forward as a learner, then you are moving backward as a leader. THE BETTER YOU ARE, THE GREATER YOUR POTENTIAL FOR TOMORROW Who are the hardest people to teach? The people who have never tried to learn. Getting them to accept a new idea is like trying to transplant a tomato plant into concrete. Even if you could get it to go into the ground, you know it isn’t going to survive anyway. The more you learn and grow, the greater your capacity to keep learning. And that makes your potential greater and your value for tomorrow higher. Indian reformer Mahatma Gandhi said, “The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems.” That is how great our potential is. All we have to do is keep fighting to learn more, grow more, become more. If you want to influence the people who are ahead of you in the organization—and keep influencing them—then you need to keep getting better. An investment in your growth is an investment in your ability, your adaptability, and your pro-motability. No matter how much it costs you to keep growing and learning, the cost of doing nothing is greater. HOW TO BECOME BETTER TOMORROW Benjamin Franklin said, “By improving yourself, the world is made better. Be not afraid of growing too slowly. Be afraid only of standing still. Forget your mistakes, but remember what they taught you.” So how do you become better tomorrow? By becoming better today. The secret of your success can be found in your daily agenda. Here is what I suggest you do to keep growing and becoming a better person and leader: Learn Your Craft Today You have heard of the saying that says, “The best time to plant a tree is twenty-five years ago. The second best time is today.” There is no time like the present to become an expert at your craft. Maybe you wish you had started earlier. Or maybe you wish you had found a better teacher or mentor years ago. None of that matters. Looking back and lamenting will not help you move forward. You
A Starter’s Guide To Personal Growth: How Do I Improve My Life?
A Starter’s Guide To Personal Growth: How Do I Improve My Life? Growth must be intentional—nobody improves by accident. The poet Robert Browning wrote, “Why stay we on the earth except to grow?” Just about anyone would agree that growing is a good thing, but relatively few people dedicate themselves to the process. Why? Because it requires change, and most people are reluctant to change. But the truthis that without change, growth is impossible. Author Gail Sheehy asserted: If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security. It may mean a giving up of familiar but limiting patterns, safe but unrewarding work, values no longer believed in, relationships that have lost their meaning. As Dostoevsky put it, “taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what most people fear most.” The real fear should be the opposite course. I can’t think of anything worse than living a stagnant life, devoid of change and improvement. GROWTH IS A CHOICE Most people fight against change, especially when it affects them personally. As novelist Leo Tolstoy said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” The ironic thing is that change is inevitable. Everybody has to deal with it. On the other hand, growth is optional. You can choose to grow or fight it. But know this: people unwilling to grow will never reach their potential. In one of his books, Howard Hendricks asks the question, “How have you changed . . . lately? In the last week, let’s say? Or the last month? The last year? Can you be very specific?” He knows how people tend to get into a rut when it comes to growth and change. Growth is a choice, a decision that can really make a difference in a person’s life. Most people don’t realize that unsuccessful and successful people do not differ substantially in their abilities. They vary in their desires to reach their potential. And nothing is more effective when it comes to reaching potential than commitment to personal growth. PRINCIPLES FOR PERSONAL GROWTH Making the change from being an occasional learner to becoming someone dedicated to personal growth goes against the grain of the way most people live. If you asked one hundred people how many books they have read on their own since leaving school (college or high school), I bet only a few would say they have read more than one or two books. If you asked how many watch motivational videos on YouTube and listen to podcasts and voluntarily attend seminars and training programs to grow personally, there would be even fewer. Most people celebrate when they receive their certificates, diplomas or degrees and say to themselves, “Thank God that’s over. Just let me have a good job. I’m finished with studying.” But such thinking doesn’t take you any higher than average. If you want to be successful, you have to keep growing. As someone who is dedicated to personal growth and development, I’d like to help you make the leap to becoming a dedicated self-developer. It’s the way you need to go if you want to reach your potential. Besides that, it also has another benefit: it brings contentment. The happiest people I know are growing every day. Take a look at the following eight principles. They’ll help you develop into a person dedicated to personal growth: Choose A Life Of Growth It’s said that when Spanish composer-cellist Pablo Casals was in the final years of his life, a young reporter asked him, “Mr. Casals, you are ninety-five years old and the greatest cellist that ever lived. Why do you still practice six hours a day?” What was Casals’s answer? “Because I think I’m making progress.” That’s the kind of dedication to continual growth that you should have. The people who reach their potential, no matter what their profession or background, think in terms of improvement. If you think you can “hold your ground” and still make the success journey, you are mistaken. You need to have an attitude like that of General George S. Patton (United States Army in the second world war). It’s said that he told his troops, “There is one thing I want you to remember. I don’t want to get any messages saying we are holding our position. We are advancing constantly.” Patton’s motto was, “Always take the offensive. Never dig in.” The only way to improve the quality of your life is to improve yourself. If you want to grow your organization, you must grow as a leader. If you want better children, you must become a better person. If you want others to treat you more kindly, you must develop better social skills. There is no sure way to make other people in your environment improve. The only thing you truly have the ability to improve is yourself. And the amazing thing is that when you do, everything else around you suddenly gets better. So if you want to take the success journey, you must live a life of growth. And the only way you will grow is if you choose to grow. Start Growing Today Napoleon Hill said, “It’s not what you are going to do, but it’s what you are doing now that counts.” Many unsuccessful people have what I call “someday sickness” because they could do some things to bring value to their lives right now. But they put them off and say they’ll do them someday . Their motto is “One of these days.” But as the old English proverb says, “One of these days means none of these days.” The best way to ensure success is to start growing today. No matter where you may be starting from, don’t be discouraged; everyone who got where he is started where he was. Why do you need to determine to start growing today? There are several reasons: Growth is not automatic.
Execute Like A Champion: Forming New Habits To Get Great Results And More Fulfillment In Life
Execute Like A Champion: Forming New Habits To Get Great Results And More Fulfillment In Life Just Get Started: The Power of Tiny Habits Sometimes the habits you want to implement in your life seem so challenging that you don’t know where to start. Remember, it’s EXTREMELY important that you believe in your ability to consistently implement your new habit. This kind of belief can be a struggle for many of us, butstarting small is a great way to work around it. If your new habit feels too overwhelming, try a smaller, modified version of it that feels manageable to you. Tiny Habits are very powerful and have multiple benefits. Even the simplest habits are easy to neglect. By enabling you to lower the bar to a level that’s more comfortable, Tiny Habits make it much easier to ensure you take consistent action. They also decrease the amount of willpower you have to use to implement the habit. Our brains don’t like change and our minds love efficiency, minimizing the use of willpower is a wonderful thing. Consistency Over Intensity If there’s only one thing you remember from our two previous articles it should be the fact that consistency is far more important than intensity. If your habit requires so much energy that you can’t sustain it long enough for it to become automatic and ingrained in your subconscious, you’ll be very unlikely to succeed in implementing it. You run the risk of crashing and burning, and the harder the task is the more you are likely to procrastinate. This is yet another area where Tiny Habits come in handy. Below are examples of Tiny Habits that you can incorporate into your life without exhausting yourself: Name: The Running HabitHow to Do It: Just put your shoes on and go. Name: The Push-up HabitHow to Do It: Do a push-up. And yes, I mean ‘a’ push-up. Just one. Name: The Writing HabitWhat to Do: Open whatever you use to create documents and start writing something. It can be anything you want, as long as you’re writing. Name: The Diet Habit What to Do: Eat an apple. They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away (and what if they’re right?) Name: Setting daily written goalsWhat to Do: Write one simple goal and achieve it. Is the habit you’re currently trying to implement a challenging one? If so, how could you make easier to get started? Think of a way to turn it into a smaller, more manageable habit. I did this with meditation not too long ago. I really wanted to get back into it, but I knew that diving into it headfirst would probably be too intense. I made it easier by working it into my morning ritual and starting with just 3 minutes. It’s been about 2 weeks and I’m already up to 9 minutes. See how daunting things can become totally doable just by scaling them down a bit? You may be wondering whether you should scale things back and start smaller. That’s a good question, and the answer will vary from person to person. That said, the following question will help you figure out what’s right for you: Will you be able to perform your habit every day for thenext 30 days even when you’re tired or extremely busy? If the answer is yes, you’re golden. If not, then you need to consider modifying your habit until you can say yes to that question. Never Skip Twice New habits are very easy to skip and you might think that it isn’t a big deal. However, nothing could be farther from the truth. There are many people who say that skipping a new habit twice in a row has a devastating effect on your ability to stick with it. I’ve had more than one habit fade away after skipping it twice, and I’ve seen the same thing happen to other people on multiple occasions (New Year’s resolutions, anyone?). Considering how hard it can be to make a new habitautomatic, I would say the Two Skips Phenomenon is very real. Unless the habit is a well-established part of your subconscious, skipping it twice in a row comes with major risks, none of which are worth taking. As harmless as two skips may seem, its dangers make a lot of sense if you really think about it. Skipping a fresh habit twice sends a signal to your brain that the habit isn’t that important after all. If skipping it twice is okay, it must be pretty insignificant. Remember, your brain doesn’t like change. It’s geared towards efficiency, which can make it lazy in a way. It likes to keep things automated and predictable. Disrupting this is hard enough, don’t make it worse by sending it mixed signals about whether your habit is important. When thathappens, your brain will ultimately view the habit as irrelevant and sabotage your efforts to work it into your life. Want to know the best way to keep yourself from skipping a habit twice? Don’t even skip it once! Prepare a Contingency Plan While it’s best to never skip your habit, sometimes that’s easier said than done. Nobody is perfect. We can’t get around the fact that you very well may skip your habit at some point. What we can do, however, is anticipate this issue and combat it with a contingency plan. If you do wind upskipping a habit, the contingency plan will get you back on track. Let’s say your habit is 15 minutes of meditation every morning. If you wake up late one morning and don’t have time to meditate, you can decide to do it as soon as you come home from work. You should always be honest with yourself and have a clear reason as to why you’re skipping your habit. More importantly, you should identify likely obstacles and prepare an IF… THEN plan in advance. I Suck. So What? As Tynan mentioned in his book Superhuman by
How To Implement New, Positive Habits For A More Successful Life
How To Implement New, Positive Habits For A More Successful Life. 1. Failing To Plan Is Planning To Fail In this section we’re going to talk about the importance of preparation when you implement a new habit into your life. Mental Preparation: Getting Your Mind on BoardThe most common reason we fail when attempting to build new habits or work on new goals is lack of mental preparation. If you are reading this article, chances are you’ve tried and failed to form new habits many times in the past. Before you give it another try, you have to ask yourselfexactly why your previous attempts failed. Was it because you tried to implement too many habits at once? Did you lack a strong, intrinsic motivation to break the habit? Were you trying to do it for someone else rather than yourself? Or was it hard to fully believe in yourself? These are common sources of failure, but the reason behind yours might be completely different. Take some time to reflect upon the reasons your previous attempts have failed. Anticipate ObstaclesNow that you’re clearly aware of the reasons behind your previous failures, it’s time to prepare yourself mentally. To do that, you must anticipate the obstacles that may prevent you from forming your new habit and sticking to it in the long run. After all, what’s the point of implementing a new habit if you drop it after a few months? Before starting your new habits, you have to take into account all the mental blocks you may have. Consider the following questions: How confident areyou that you can stick to this new habit? What are some potential obstacles that could lead you to give up? Believing in YourselfDo you believe you can stick to your new habit? If I were to ask you on a scale of 1 to 10 how confident are you that you’ll be able to stick to it for the next 30 days what would you say? If your score isn’t 8 or more you might need to chunk down your habits to make it more realistic and morebelievable. Now that you know where you stand regarding your new habit, can you identify all the possible reasons why you could fail? Prepare Yourself for ObstaclesThings rarely go as planned and there are many things that may stand in your way as you try to establish new habits in your life. It’s essential to take the time to identify the roadblocks you may face with as much clarity as possible. So, what challenges do you think you’re likely to encounter. Let me give you an example of what your list may look like. Let’s assume your goal is to stick to your new diet, which includes reducing your sugar intake. Let’s further assume you’ve decided todo this by breaking your habit of drinking sodas and choosing low-sugar beverages instead. In this case, you might face the following obstacles: Dinner with friends, because it’s difficult to eat healthy when everyone around you is eating tempting foods and drinking the sodas you are trying so hard to avoid. Fast-food chains, because you can easily grab unhealthy food and drinks on your way to work. Emotional eating, because people tend to crave sugar when stressed. Lack of support. If you’re the only one in your family or circle of friends who’s watching what they eat, it’s going to be difficult. It isn’t easy sticking to your habits while watching others indulge in the very things you’re trying to avoid. A weak “why” because you know you should eat healthy but don’t feel motivated enough to do so. When considering these obstacles, it’s a good idea to figure out what triggers you to drink soda and what you can do to work around it. You might purge your fridge of all unhealthy beverages, join a support group, or enlist your friends to help you stay on track when you’re going out withthem. If you’ve made a past attempt at a similar diet that didn’t go well, you should think about why it didn’t work out and see what you can learn from that experience. It’s also advisable to sort through your underlying thoughts surrounding food. Perhaps you associate certain foods or evenexcessive eating and drinking with enjoyable activities such as hanging out with friends or spending time with family. Or maybe you associate them with comfort and use them to cope with unpleasant feelings and situations. If any of these things is the case, it would be wise to adopt new beliefs that don’t support these unhealthy associations and links. Now it’s your turn. What are some obstacles you’re likely to encounter and how will you overcome them? How will you address each of these obstacles, and what can you do to minimize them? Have a Pre-emptive PlanOptimism can make us motivated, but a dash of pessimism can help us succeed. Research shows that predicting how and when you might be tempted to break your vow increases the chances that you will keep a resolution. – Kelly McGonigal, The Willpower Instinct. By preparing yourself mentally and rehearsing how you’ll deal with challenging situations in thefuture, you’ll significantly increase your ability to resist temptation and stay on track with your goals.In the instance of the low-sugar diet, you could visualize yourself entering a coffee shop and ordering a coffee with no sugar or another drink with a minimal amount of sugar. This may not be enough to prevent temptation entirely. It will, however, make it easier to make the right choice instead of acting on impulse. You could also visualize yourself opening the fridge and taking a bottle of water instead of a soda. As you continue to visualize yourself making healthy decisions,you’ll increase your chances of successfully dealing with real-life temptation. The “If… Then” MethodThis is a highly effective approach to minimizing your chances of reverting to your old habits. In a nutshell, this method involves creating alternative to what
Habits: What They Are, Why They’re So Hard To Implement And How To Get Rid Of the Bad Ones
Habits: What They Are, Why They’re So Hard To Implement And How To Get Rid Of The Bad Ones We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. – Will Durant Do you need help forming rock-solid habits that will support you for the rest of your life? Are you the kind of person that sets New Year’s Resolutions but continually fails to stick to them? Have you lost confidence in your ability to get rid of the bad habits that are preventing you from living the life you want? This article is for you if you are in the following situation: You want to get rid of bad habits but have failed many times before. You are struggling with procrastination and/or you lack self-discipline. You want your habits to stick once and for all. You want to implement powerful habits that will serve you for the rest of your life and bring you great results. What If You Could Predict Success? Do you think you can tell whether someone is going to be successful 5 or 10 years from now? You can, believe it or not, and figuring it out is actually very simple. All you have to do is take a look at their typical day. Extraordinary people have extraordinary habits, while average people have average habits. There are very few exceptions to that rule, and it applies to you. So if you want to know where you’re going to be in 10 or 20 years from now, look at what you did today or yesterday. Ask yourself the following question: If I keep doing what I’m doing today, will I bewhere I want to be in 10 or 20 years from now? Be brutally honest with yourself. I encourage you to dig deeper by asking this question for each specific goal you have. Look at your goals and ask yourself, “Will I achieve these goals if I keep on doing what I’m doing today?” You’ll know the answer if you’re honest enough with yourself. How confident are you about your ability to achieve your goals based on what you’re currently doing? On a scale of 1 to 10, is your confidence 8 out of 10, 6 out of 10, or even 3 out of 10? If it’s less than 8 out of 10, you probably don’t have the daily habits that will allow you to successfully achieve your goals. Daily habits aren’t necessarily hard to do, but it’s VERY easy not to do them at all. When asked what keeps you from committing to new habits, you might argue that you were busy today and couldn’t do X, Y or Z for whatever reason. You might say that you’ll find the time later. The truth is, you can always come up with excuses. But if what you’re doing today isn’t going tolead you towards a future of fulfillment, happiness and health, there’s little reason to believe things will magically change later on. How often have you heard people say, “I’ll start tomorrow”? Whether they’re talking about dieting, exercise, or learning a new skill, the result is usually the same. Tomorrow comes and goes but thediet, workout, or activity never starts. And the worst part is, we knew it wasn’t going to happen the minute they said “I’ll start tomorrow.” Never Trust Your Future Self If you want achieve your goals, stick to the following rule: Always assume that what you’re doing today is what you’ll do tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and so on and so forth. Doing this focuses your awareness on what you’re doing NOW, not what you may (and most likely won’t) do in the future. By living as if what you do today will determine your future (it will), you’ll be motivated to take action in the present instead of relying on your future self to do something later. Believing that your future self will somehow be more disciplined than your current self is a major trap. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work that way. The fact remains, however, that what your current self does today determines what your future self will do tomorrow! If what you’re doing today isn’t going to lead to the future you envision for yourself, it’s probably time for you to make some changes in your life. Now, let’s take a deeper look at what habits are. Habits: What They are and Why They’re So Hard to Implement Our lives are largely controlled by our subconscious minds, which are in charge of running the habits we’ve adopted consciously or, in most cases, unconsciously over the years. Our brains are very efficient machines that hate wasting energy. Once the brain has been conditioned to perform a certain task repeatedly, it runs primarily on auto-pilot. This is great when you learn to drive or tie your shoes, but it’s not so great when you want to break a habit. It takessignificant effort to change your brain’s pre-existent programming, and it’s an uphill battle until your subconscious mind finally accepts the change. That’s why it’s so hard to form new habits or get rid of old ones. Your brain isn’t wired for change. It likes things just the way they are. Why Habits are Mind-Bogglingly ImportantThe quality of your habits will determine the quality of our life. It’s what you do on a daily basis that truly matters, not what you do from time to time or when you have a sudden burst of motivation. Take a few minutes to look at your current habits. How would you describe them? Are they the habits of a successful, happy person? Or are they the habits of someone stuck in a rut? What a Few Simple Habits Can Do For YouWhen it comes to habits, it’s crucial to realize that even a small daily habit can have a major impact on your life if you stick with them long enough. That’s why making habits is
The World Doesn’t Owe You Anything: How To Stop Feeling Entitled
The World Doesn’t Owe You Anything: How To Stop Feeling Entitled Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. — ROBERT JONES BURDETTE Centre Of The Universe We’re all inclined to want our fair share in life. However, the belief that you’re owed something simply because of who you are or what you’ve been through isn’t healthy. Do you respond positively to any of the points below? You think you perform better than average at most tasks, like driving or interacting with other people. You’re more likely to talk your way out of problems rather than accept the consequences. You believe you were born to be successful. You think your self-worth is tied to your material wealth. You believe you deserve to be happy. You think you’ve dealt with your share of problems in life and it’s your turn to have good things happen to you. You enjoy talking about yourself more than hearing about other people. You think you’re smart enough to succeed without having to work hard. You sometimes buy things you can’t afford but justify it by telling yourself that you’re worth it. You consider yourself an expert in many things. Believing that you shouldn’t have to work as hard or shouldn’t have to go through the same process as everyone else because you’re the exception to the rule isn’t healthy. But you can learn how to stop complaining about not getting what you deserve and start focusing on how to become successful without feeling entitled. Why We Feel The World Owes Us Something Whether it’s someone who has dealt with unfortunate circumstances and thinks he deserves something to make up for it, or it’s someone who thinks she’s better than everyone else and deserves to be rewarded for it, people like that are everywhere. And while we’re good at noticingthis trait in other people, the fact is, all of us feel entitled at one time or another and we often lack the insight to recognize it in ourselves. We live in a world where rights and privileges frequently get confused. Often, people think they have a “right to be happy” or a “right to be treated respectfully,” even if it means they have to infringe on others’ rights to get what they want. Instead of trying to earn privileges, they behave as if society is somehow indebted to them. Advertising tempts us to buy products by promotingself-indulgence and materialism. The idea that “You deserve it,” whether you can afford it or not, leads many among us to go deeply into debt. A feeling that the world owes you something isn’t always about a sense of superiority. Sometimes it is about a sense of injustice. A person who had a difficult childhood, for example, may spendthrift as he buys himself all the things he never had as a kid. He may think the world owes him the opportunity to have nice things, since he missed out on a lot as a youngster. This type of entitlement can be just as detrimental as when people think they’re superior.Jean Twenge, a psychologist and author of Generation Me and The Narcissism Epidemic, has conducted many studies on narcissism and entitlement. Her studies have found that younger generations have an increased desire for material wealth and a decreased desire to work. Shesuggests several possible reasons for this disconnect including: 1. The focus on helping children develop self-esteem has gone overboardSchool programs aimed at improving self-esteem teach children that they’re all special. Allowing children to wear shirts that say things like IT’S ALL ABOUT ME or telling them repeatedly, “You’re the best,” fuels their inflated beliefs about self-importance. 2. Overindulgent parenting prevents children from learning how to accept responsibility for their behaviourWhen children are given whatever they want and they don’t have to experience consequences for misbehaviour, they don’t learn the value of earning things. Instead, they’re given an overabundance of material possessions and accolades regardless of their behaviour. 3. Social media fuels mistaken beliefs about self-importanceYoung people can’t imagine a world without “selfies” and self-promotional blogs. It’s unclear if social media actually fuels narcissism or it simply serves as an outlet for people to announce their underlying beliefs of superiority. But there is evidence that suggests people turn to social media to boost their self-esteem. The Problem With A Sense Of Entitlement An entitlement mentality prevents you from earning things based on merit. You’ll be less likely to work hard when you’re busy complaining that you’re not getting what you’re owed. Instead, you’ll expect that you should have things based on who you are or what you’ve been through. You won’t be able to accept responsibility for your behaviour when you’re focused on trying to stake your claim over what you think the world owes you. You’ll also make unrealistic demands of people or be too focused on gaining what you think you deserve to be able to contribute to a relationship in a meaningful way.If you are always demanding, “I deserve to be cared for and treated well,” you may have trouble offering the type of love and respect that will attract a partner who treats you kindly. When you’re focused on yourself, it is extremely challenging to be empathetic. Why donate time and money to other people if you’re always thinking things like I deserve to buy nice things for myself? Instead of experiencing the joy of giving, you’ll be too fixated on what you’re not getting. When you don’t get everything you want entitlement can lead to feelings of bitterness as you’ll think you were somehow victimized. Instead of enjoying all that you have and all that you’re free to do, you’ll focus on all that you don’t have and all the things you can’t do. You’ll likely miss outon some of the best things in life. Develop Self-awareness Of Your Sense Of Entitlement We see it all the time in the media—wealthy people, celebrities,